I’m not sure if I posted all seven of my 7 Shots (Of Reality) articles, I lost count. If not, this should finish that series off. If so, consider this one a bonus, a well-needed bitch slap that I’d have otherwise never considered had it not been for a recent post – and the follow-through enabler posts – from Jabba The Butt’s band of merry men. This series of articles was intended as a primer for newbies on how to avoid self-inflicted problems when dealing with Thai moneyboys (aka your ‘boyfriend’). And was meant to help the rest of us avoid hearing you whine about the moneyboy who done you wrong when you fail at that task. From years of reading the message boards I thought I’d heard it all. So I thought I’d covered the subject fully in my pervious posts. Silly me.
In case you missed it (and congratulations for that) let me paraphrase the event responsible for today’s post. A Pattaya sexpat (big surprise there) is off to the bank with his ‘boy special’ to withdraw more funds for the boy, who is never happy with the amount the farang gives him on a regular schedule. The boy, in a huff, walks off along the way. The farang, of course, still heads for the bank where he sits patiently, waiting for his true love to show up to collect his moola.
The boy finally arrives, either in a state of panic or dismay – the farang offers up both scenarios in his telling of the tale. And then bitch slaps the farang. The farang takes that public humiliation in stride, withdraws the money, gives it to his boy, and the two head back to the farang’s loom. The farang thinks their relationship may be over. And it’s “very sad’ as he puts it.
Uh, yes. You are.
Cue numerous posts of sympathy filled with an assortment of finger pointing to blame the incident on the boy because he (take your pick) a) is in the process of becoming a ladyboy and we all know how destructive those hormone treatments can be; b) is probably a yaba addict, and we all know how destructive that drug can be; c) is following relationship advice from his gang of ladyboy friends, and we all know how destructive a wild pack of ladyboys can be; d) is probably a redux addict, and though none of us know what in the hell that is, we are sure it is undoubtedly destructive; e) is probably both a yaba addict and has been gobbling down hormone pills – which has got to be both destructive and filling; or f) all of the above, but regardless it’s all his fault, time to move on, and good luck with your next boy special ‘cuz I’m sure that relationship will turn out much better for you.
Ann Landers must be rolling over in her grave.
Not that the poor farang didn’t learn from his mistake. He’s going to avoid fem boys in the future because he really doesn’t like ladyboys anyway. Yup. That should do it.
I can’t disagree with the farang’s decision to avoid fem boys and ladyboy in the future, though I’d add avoiding Sunee Plaza might be a helpful idea too. Though my initial suggestion would be for him to avoid going out in public period. Allowing a little local princess to bitch slap you in public makes farangs look bad. But at least it happened in Pattaya where the bar for farang reputations has already been set at its minimum level. Still: WTF? You allowed a prostitute to bitch slap you? In public? And then paid him for that honor? And the problem is with the boy? Really? Good god man, even Aretha Franklin knew how to spell respect.
Even though the farang told his tale looking for sympathy, since my use of it is as a cautionary one, and even though joining the rank of flying farang would appear to be the obvious answer, let’s rewind and look at what, perhaps, may have been a better path.
First, the farang was rather proud that he let his passive/aggressive side rule the day and didn’t tell his boy special they were headed to the bank, even though they’d been arguing for days about how little the farang had been paying his true love. Not that the boy didn’t easily figure than one out. I could argue that a relationship that is based on money isn’t one, but won’t because these relationships often are. Instead, how about a little communication. Like a mature adult might engage in. If your boy ain’t happy with how much money he’s getting out of you, a discussion of why you’ve arrived at that amount, and why he thinks he deserve more, is in order. At least it is if you are going to pretend you are in a relationship rather than paying a prostitute his due. And if the two of you cannot reach an agrement, then do not pass go. And don’t head to your bank to withdraw money he’s not gonna be happy with anyway.
If your beloved storm off in a huff on your way to withdrawing money for him over what a cheap bastard you are, go home. Lock the door. And when he finally shows up again, tell him to leave and to not come back until he can act like a human being instead of the screeching little queen he’s using your money to become. And while he’s gone, ask yourself why you are still in a relationship with a guy who is intent on no longer being one if you don’t like ladyboys in the first place.
When the prostitute you’ve been paying to pretend he loves you bitch slaps you in public, immediately stand up and kick him in the balls to remind him that despite his hormone treatments he still has a pair. And that you do too. I know, but pretend. Or if you honestly believe that physical violence is not in fact sometimes the best answer, call the police and pay them to arrest him for assault. Oh, and if you then “ think it is over between us,” congratulate yourself for having finally allowing a bit of reality to shine into your life.
If you then disregard any attempt at salvaging your pride and dignity by telling others about the time a ladyboy bitch slapped you in front of a room full of locals whom you do business with by posting it on a public message board, bitch slap anyone who offers you sympathy. Because they deserve it as much as you did. And then go bitch slap whoever raised you for not teaching you about self-respect too.
I’m not sure which is worse, the farang who not only allowed himself to be so entirely humiliated by allowing a moneyboy to slap him, or the idiots who empathize with him, suggesting all he needs to do is find a new boy special as though the problem is with the boy and not the farang – who undoubtedly has many more bitch slaps to enjoy in his future. For the former, the physical assault alone should have been enough, but then that obviously was the final blow, if you will. Everything leading up to that slap tells you the farang was already used to emotional abuse. So that line was easy for the boy to cross. Obviously the boy had no respect for that farang. Zip. Nada. Zero. None. He’s probably lucky all he got was a humiliating slap. So far. But I wouldn’t count on that “relationship” being over.
As for those who offered their sympathy and encouragement in finding a new boy to abuse him instead of the psychological help he so desperately needs, y’all should be ashamed of yourselves. Seriously.
The glue that has bound this series of posts together has been that rather than pointing fingers at the boy who done you wrong, you need to first look at yourself and your contribution to that disastrous affair. Invariably, the farang who has been taken advantage of by a moneyboy allowed it. Or asked for it. You can blame being in love, or being in lust, or dealing with a culture vastly different than yours, or being too nice of a guy, or female hormone treatments, or yaba, or any of the other excuses farang have come up with, but the simple truth is when you allow someone to walk all over you – emotionally or financially, or both – and bitch slap you along the way – literally or figuratively – you only have yourself to blame. That’s about something that is wrong within you, not about something that is missing in the boy you chose to abuse you.
Face, as a concept, has been much debated on the message boards. I could never figure out why because it is fairly basic. But now I know. It’s because it is a foreign concept to so many farang. At its basic level, face is about pride and respect. For yourself and towards others. The tricky part, evidently for some, is the idea that when you have no pride, when your actions tell a Thai that you are not worthy of respect, you have no face. And will get treated accordingly.
When your boy special treats you like a walking ATM it’s not because he’ a greedy little whore. Well, okay, he is. But even if that is what resides in his black little soul, he would never act on those impulses if he respected you. Doing so goes against his nature, his culture, and how he was raised. If you’ve proven you are unworthy of his respect, however, all bets are off. And you then deserve to be fleeced for every satang he can get out of you.
The farang who related this tale said that he “thought Thais were not into dramatic scenes.” Uh, hello? Bitch slapping your walking atm is not about drama. It’s about scorn. And having no respect for you. It’s about your complete lack of pride. It’s not about the hormones he’s taking. Or the yaba. It’s about you. Not him. And as for “all the other fish in the sea” your fellow posters think you should move on to, do you really think every moneyboy in Sunee hasn’t already heard about you? Or that by some miracle they will treat you any differently?
Pride is not a four letter word. Even in Pattaya. And even in Pattaya, being a farang means your social status starts off at a higher level than that of most of the locals with whom you will come into contact (your fellow farang, not so much). Until you prove otherwise. Perhaps your self-image don’t include concepts such as pride, respect, dignity, honor, and self-esteem. But that’s the stuff that Thais use to determine how they should treat you. Whether it is a vendor on the street, a tuk tuk driver, one of the boys in brown, or the boy you decide to fall in lust or in love with, your actions will be their clue as to the amount of respect to be shown. And when you show them how little pride means to you, you deserve the bitch slap coming your way.
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