So you think the prostitute you’ve been paying to have sex with you is now your boyfriend? Could be. And if so, congrats. To both of you. There’s a good chance the two of you will have a long-lasting and intimate friendship based on love, affection, and mutual obligation. On the other hand, you may just be suffering from an eye disorder caused by your insistence on wearing those rose-colored glasses. So before you go stumbling blindly into a relationship that isn’t, here’s a simple test to determine if it’s lust or love. And it all has to do with color. Besides the aforementioned rose-colored spectacles.
Since they claim English is the universal language, to simplify matters I’m gonna go with green as the universal color of money. Yeah, I know, that may not be the color of your money even though you think you speak English, but that’s a bastardized version of the language. So we’re using the American dollar as the standard, just like American English is the standard language everyone understands. The other color in this test is blue. And I’m not talking about that little pill you are so fond of. In fact, if anything, it’s the opposite. Because in this case, blue and green are not complementing colors.
Love, lust, a boyfriend, a bank account . . . a rose may be a rose but if you want to know just where you place in the scheme of things, ask yourself this question: If I could never have sex with my ‘boyfriend’ again, would I still want to be with him, would I still support him financially, would I still be calling him my boyfriend? Yes, I know that’s a compound question. But then there’s a good chance you are compounding the problem by thinking you are in a relationship too.
There are, of course, many aspects that make up a relationship. And sex is but one of them. But if it is your primary focus, if it rates higher than companionship and affection, it probably means what you are in love with is the sex and not the guy. When avoiding a case of the blue balls matters more to you than continuing in your relationship, he’s not your boyfriend. He’s the guy you are fond of paying to have sex with you. And that realization should put your relationship in its proper perspective.
An even more difficult question – or maybe that’s a more difficult answer – is: If I suddenly became destitute and could no longer provide the financial support my ‘boyfriend’ has grown accustom to, would he still love me, still want to be with me, still answer my emails and phone calls? Because green is not the color of love. That financial support may be an integral part of your relationship. Taking care of him may be a large part of what you bring to your relationship. But as with the focus being on sex on your part, if money is what matters the most to him, you are not his boyfriend. You’re a customer. And possibly his career.
Money and sex both play a part in any relationship. In one between a farang and a Thai, they probably play an important part. More than likely, those two elements were instrumental in your initial attraction to each other. But a true relationship should transcend those desires. In a true relationship if either were removed, the relationship should still flourish. When a relationship can not hold up to the removal of one or both, your relationship is a business one. Based on the dynamics of the world’s oldest profession.
When his love for pockets full of green and your avoidance of blue balls syndrome are the overarching elements in your relationship, it is not necessarily a bad thing. As long as you recognize what the motivation in the two of you being together really is. The problems arise when you mistake that relationship for something more than it really is. And that is what all those tales of woe you read about from disgruntled farang share in common. The farang thought he was in a relationship not based on sex and money when without either there would have been no relationship in the first place.
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Huh. I feel bad for Putin and his band of merry – but 100% heterosexual – men. The Russian duma passed sweeping legislation to outlaw the propagation of homosexuality and their efforts have managed to turn the 2014 Olympics into what promises to be the gayest event of the decade. Conservative right wing nutters in the U.S. are fond of referring to the Gay Agenda, which has always pissed me off ‘cuz I never go to vote on those agenda items even though I’m a card carrying member and know the secret hand shake (hint: only one person’s hands are actually involved), but maybe they’re right. I mean besides their political leanings. Because it would take a well thought out master plan to bring the issue of gay right to the forefront of the world stage as effectively as Russia has. Who knew our true color was red and not pink?
The Russians have always been a dour lot and now we know why: you can’t say happiness without saying penis and male genitalia scares the crap out of them. But you can make your life just a bit gayer by ensuring when the world thinks about your country they also think about homosexuality. Even Google’s predictive results suggests gay as a follow up when you do a search on Russia these days. And their male figure skaters haven’t even taken to the ice yet. But thanks to Mother Russia’s efforts, any country that wants to cash in on the pink dollar too now has a sterling example of how best to propagandize homosexuality. And here’s how Russia has managed that feat, in ten easy steps:
1. Make Sure All The News Fit To Print Is Rainbow-Colored.
You can’t bring up the Sochi Games without someone mentioning gay rights these days. And that’s just on FOX News. As if the gays were really all Russia has to worry about in hosting the Olympics. It’s not like the gays were gonna overrun the Games anyway. Theirs just not enough exposed male flesh at the winter version of the Olympic to catch their attention. At worst, some strapping and sexually confused young conscript deployed as part of the event’s security force might have got laid in an unapproved manner.
What really should have the Russians worried are the numerous political and ethnic factions unhappy with Russia thinking Sochi is part of their territory in the first place. So you’ve got Islamic extremists, and Circassian freedom fighters both vowing to upset the Games to strike back at the Russian bear Not to mention the Ukrainians, who are just a stone’s throw away and who one can only hope end up throwing nothing more than stones.
The threat of terrorism, an iffy weather forecast, greed and corruption, and an infrastructure so shoddily erected that some buildings have crumbled under their own weight would, at any other Winter Olympics, be the news of the day. Instead, if the story doesn’t have a gay leg to and on it’s being ignored by the press. And Ryan Seacrest hasn’t even landed in Russia yet.
2. Turn Your Rubles Into Pink Dollars.
Everyone on both sides of the Olympic’s political divide like to claim that the Games are first and foremost about sports. What they really are about is money. And the Sochi Games are shaping up to be the most expensive Winter Games to date. And thanks to Russia politicalizing the event through it’s anti-gay legislation, ticket sale too are setting an all-time record. As in having the highest number of un-sold tickets still sitting, waiting for someone to buy them. The way things are going there are gonna be more gay activists in Sochi than spectators.
Of course, before corporate thinking realized just how disastrous supporting a regime that hates gays can be to their bottom line, the usual global giants like Coke, Procter & Gamble, and McDonalds’s ponied up to be a proud Olympic Sponsor. The backlash they are already experiencing means they are all going into over-drive now trying to convince everyone that they love the gays. So you can expect to see some major adverting campaigns that promote the homosexual life-style coming to a television screen near you in the very near future. Thank you Putin!
3. If Ya Gotta Go, Go Gay.
Not even the City of San Francisco has come up with such a gay-inclusive idea like setting up toilets that provide a secluded place for those who haven’t the time to get a hotel room. You have to wonder since the two-man luge looked too gay for Sochi’s Olympic organizers, how a two-man shitter managed to make the grade. But I guess that unique design does eliminate the problem of the gays getting off using glory holes in the loo. Plus, Sochi’s twin toilets give the gay rights movement a whole new meaning.
4. Don Ye Now Your Gay Apparel.
I get that Russia isn’t up on the gay rights movement, but you’d think even Putin would have realized the rainbow is generally considered a gay symbol these days. You’d think the Russians would ban the use of rainbows at the Games, viewing the symbol as a form of propagandizing homosexuality. Instead they’ve gone with that motif for the uniforms to be worn by the Olympic staff and volunteers. But to be fair, it could have been worse. They too could have hired Ralph Lauren to design their uniforms.
5. Let Your Gay Fantasies Run Wild.
Huh. So the Sochi Organizing Committee decided to do away with the two-man luge because it looked too gay. And then replaced that sport with a new event: team figure skating. ‘Cuz there’ nothing gay about figure skating. Evidently in the Russian mind two men having sex is disgusting, but an orgy of male penis is worthy of a gold medal.
6. Name Your Olympic Stadium After A Gay Fetish.
Okay, so they only went with Fisht instead of Fishting, but still . . . And ya know Ryan Seacrest is gonna giggle every time he says Fisht on air. Which will be often.
7. Show The World Where The Gays Are.
Taking a page from Iran’s playbook – because that’s always a smart move – Sochi’s mayor has claimed there are no gays in his city. It may boast not one but two gay clubs, but one of those are about drag queens, not gays. Both not-gay venues are now known world-wide thanks to the mayor’s inability to recognize a gay when he sees one. Where’s the down-to-earth sensibilities of Mayor Rob Ford when you need them?
8. Spread DILF Propaganda Instead.
Ahhhh, Vlad. Shirtless pix of celebrities are always popular. Shirtless pix of world leaders, not so much. Nonetheless, Putin shows off hi grandpa pecs at every opportunity. No problemo. Beefcake is a gay thing. Except for pre-teen girls who don’t yet know what sex is but do know Justin Bieber’s perky little nipples look a lot like their own, those who drool over shirtless shots are the gay boys of the world. Just ask Congressman Schock. Putin may not be in favor of the gays, but obviously has a soft spot for daddy lovers. And when your country’s leader often looks like he’s posing for a shot to post on Grindr . . . .
9. Be All The Gay You Can Be.
If you are not quite sure that your efforts at gaying up your event have been enough, the obvious answer is to build a monument to cock rings. ‘Cuz nothing will scare the gays away like a giant display of sexual paraphernalia greeting them at the airport.
10. Whistle Do You Believe?
The organizers of The London Games invited the Who’s drummer Keith Moon to take part in their opening ceremonies, even though Keith had been dead for a few decades. So you gotta give credit to the Sochi Organizing Committee for not extending the same invite to Liberace. Sure they coulda gone with Elton John instead, but the Rocket Man is too grumpy for even the Russians. So they asked Cher. Who being the gay icon that she is, said, “Nyet.” No problemo. Time is short but the rumor is that the Sochi Organizing Committee is anxiously awaiting a response from Judy Garland.
You’d think things couldn’t get any gayer in Sochi, but never underestimate the Russians, there’ still a week to get the rainbows flying. So let the Gays begin . . .
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I’ve never quite got that Bali as a mystical, magical, paradise thingy. Perhaps if you never saw Kuta, totally avoided every touri attraction, and somehow managed to avoid meeting any locals that’d hold true. Maybe. Not that that doesn’t mean Bali doesn’t have its good points too. Like the never-ending parade of eye candy on its beaches. If you like drunk Aussie boys – and who doesn’t – you can wait until late afternoon when they finally make it to the sun and sand part of their holiday. Or you can start your day off with a cup of joe and watch the beach boy / chair concessionaires get ready for the day. Which should put you and your best buddy in the proper frame of mind to hit on some of those drunk Aussie boys when they finally make an appearance.
I took some cool shots in Bali over my numerous visits, some of the tourist attractions – despite the island’s numerous faults it can be picturesque – some of the locals I didn’t manage to avoid meeting. I didn’t get a shot of the humongous serial killer spider that left me quaking like a little girl one night in my hotel room, or that would probably have been today’s shot instead. But while I don’t consider myself a full-fledged sex touri, I do dabble (often) and many of my fondest memories of the island are of the guys I met there. Which usually started on the beach. So having decided the Best Of The Best 7 Shots means those photographs that immediately transport you back to a time and place and stir your memories of a trip, this one seems a natural for Bali. Maybe when I do a 7 Shots: Bali post some of those photos will not be of male flesh.
There are three kinds of guys you meet in Bali (assuming ‘meet’ is about meat). The aforementioned drunk straight Aussie boys who always seem willing to ignore their heterosexuality while on holiday, Indonesian guys who have moved to Bali to make money off of the touri in any illegal way possible, and local Balinese boys, most of whom share the trait of the gay but closeted boys of Hawaii – they are horny, want to get laid, but are scared to death someone they know will catch them at it. It’s that last group that this photo reminds me of. Well, it reminds me of lazy afternoons idly watching the beach boys ply their trade too, but it’s the blurred motion of one who almost got away in this shot that brings back memories of the local guys I did manage to snag before they could scurry off. And when you do manage that feat, those guys, with their pent-up sexual frustrations, just explode. Huh. So maybe that’s what that Bali as a mystical, magical, paradise thingy is really all about.
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Invariably, when you read a disgruntled farang’s tale of woe about a bar boy who done him wrong, the farang enumerates all of the dastardly tricks the boy played on him while also telling of all the kind acts of generosity and love the farang made on the boy’s behalf. Kind acts of generosity and love that never seem to include mention of the numerous, long sessions of being sexually serviced by what was probably a straight man. And invariably the farang in making sure you understand each and every one of the boy’s faults while reminding you of the farang’s trusting and good-hearted nature gives himself a pass for being taken in by the boy’s deviousness and greed by explaining that he thought the boy was a good Buddhist. So here’s today’s shot of reality: Thais Are Buddhists Not The Buddha.
Most Westerner only have a vague idea of what Buddhism is and what the religion teaches. They give a nod toward Karma – which works instantly in the western mind – know that reincarnation means you were probably royalty in some past life, and have a hazy recollection about something to do with Buddhists not killing bugs. Fair enough. Many Westerners are a bit foggy on just what Christianity is and what that religion teaches too. Especially those who like to call themselves a Christian.
Mot Westerners don’t know that there are many different types of Buddhism, or that the brand generally practiced in Thailand is pro-bug killing. But they assume with all the wats in Thailand, and with saffron-robed monks running all over the place, the populace is heavily religiously oriented. And they’re right. Religion does play an important role in the daily life of the Thai people. It just has little to do with the teachings of the Buddha. That your local wat is one of the best places to find lucky numbers for this week’s lottery is probably not exactly what The Buddha had in mind. The fact is that most Buddhist are no more Buddha-like than those who enjoy telling you they are a Christian are in anyway Christ-like.
No problemo. Other than as a bit of local color and the occasional frustration when a religious holiday dries up the flow of liquor at their favorite gogo bar, the locals’ religious beliefs don’t really come into play for the typical sex-oriented touri. At least not until they fall in lust with a local lad, wake up one day to discover their bank account drained, and then feel they ended up with the short end of the sick. And not the stick they’d been drooling over. Then, all of a sudden, Buddhism too is to blame. Both as a faulty religion and as an ideal their boy special failed to live up to. Because a good Buddhist would never treat a fellow human being in the manner the poor, naive, but well-meaning farang and his wallet have been treated.
That’s perfectly understandable. The farang, after all, met his boy in what he considered a temple built in honor of the gods the farang worships. And rumor has it that Jesus hung around with a prostitute, so at least as a Christian, he’s in good standing. It’s just a shame the farang wasn’t more familiar with the biblical quote about rendering unto Caesar what is Caesar’s. Because while that was probably not meant as an euphemism about paying a sex worker his due, the average Thai bar boy is well versed in the rendering part. And rendering is what a relationship with a farang is all about.
When you enter into a relationship with a Thai bar boy, it’s an unholy alliance unless you both understand what it is the other guy wants out of that relationship. Which has nothing to do with either person’s religious beliefs. The farang wants love, companionship, and sex. Lots of sex. The Thai wants to be taken care of, both emotionally and financially. Lots of financially. And taking care of the boy means taking care of his family too. When both do their part, the relationship works. When either begins to balk, thinking he’s being taken advantage of, problems ensue. And while it is then easy to point fingers and claim someone got scammed, the truth is it is usually a case of failing to understand the other guy’s needs, expectations, and culture. Which usually happens as the initial bloom fails and the boy is less interested in providing sex and the farang less willing to continue his financial support. Those damn Buddhists!
There are good Buddhist who endeavor to live their life as the Buddha taught, just like their are good Christians who try to live up to the teachings of Jesus. There are many more, on both side of the religious divide, who pay but lip service to their religious beliefs. Neither of the former probably spends much time in Thailand’ gogo bars and happy ending manage shops. You may think you found heaven the first time you walk into a gogo bar filled with naked hunks, but don’t mistake that religious experience with anything having to do with the religion practiced by those hunks. And when your relationship with one of those hunks ends up on the rocks, don’t blame Buddhism or claim your own innocence and lack of culpability on your mistaken belief that your boy wouldn’t act like that because he was a Buddhist. “Cuz that’s not what Jesus would do.
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