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I can’t decide if the blogger responsible for Exotic Orientalism has an even drier sense of humor than I do, or if he’s talking art beyond my level of comprehension. His area of interest is the “vibrant, underground contemporary art scene currently thriving in various saunas, health spas, and massage parlours” in Bangkok, which to the rest of us is gay porn flicks that are shown at the city’s more popular saunas like Babylon.
Does He Have an Easter Egg Up His Butt or Not? Steam Room Stories Video celebrates Easter in their own unique way.
Peeps got robbed, and how Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs only managed to score the 9th place needs explanation, but this ranking of the 17 most popular Easter candy includes chocolate from the UK, so you already know something is wrong. On the other hand, if you think Easter like everything else in the world is really all about you, you can learn what your favorite Easter candy says about you.
If you too have noticed that Thais don’t quit understand the idea of coffee – it’s not something brown to flavor your mug of cream and sugar with – P’Luang Khon Gafe, a street food stall/roach coach serves up Bangkok’s best coffee, using local Thai coffee beans grown in the North of the country.
Watching two brothers do it is to gay men what watching two lesbians go at it is to our straight brethren. Now that I have your undivided attention (unless you already clicked the link) Brotherly is an 11 minute gay short film based on the true story of two Asian brothers in the 1970’s who grew up in an incestuous relationship.
The Best Underwear Styles For Every Body Type may only apply to those who have a body that anyone wants to see in underwear.
I keep meaning to do a post about this place and never manage to get around to it, so I’ll cheat and just provide a link to where you can get the best pad thai in Bangkok; even though it’s food and cheap since there are no boys available as take-out it’s one of those Places In Thailand Jabba Has Never Heard Of. Good thing too or there wouldn’t be any left by the time you got served.
The latest fad in China? Keychains containing live animals like turtles and fish in small plastic bags where supposedly they live for up two months, or as they are known in N. Korea, MREs. Yes, the world is outraged. Like the goldfish kids in the US win at carnivals fare any better . . .
San Francisco based photographer Biron specializes in multicultural male erotic portraits. His work exhibited at a show in Paris last year is now viewable on-line and features 35 naked hunks in a wide variety of colors and sizes that will please any gay man’s taste.
Of course Tarntawan made the list, but you may not be familiar with a few of the other entries of The Top Ten Most Gay Friendly Hotels In Thailand.
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Easter is not one of the western holidays celebrated in Thailand much. Songkran is just a few weeks away, so some odd holiday that has to do with bunnies and hiding eggs just doesn’t make a blip on the locals’ radar. It’s not like it is much of a gift getting holiday anyway. But I will have to mention it to Noom sometime, just to watch his face as he works through our tradition of coloring eggs, that’s business as usual in Thailand. I expect unsuspecting first time visitors this week assumed it was about Easter when spotting a bowl of multi-hued eggs at the local street market, but I doubt they ever spotted any Peeps. They’d melt in Bangkok’s heat and humidity. Which, come to think about it, might not be that bad of a thing.
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The year was 1993, and finally, after several trips to Thailand the locals were showing their appreciation for my interest in their country by rewarding me with the knowledge of an inside scoop worth some big bucks. The gods were looking kindly on me and my fellow band of merry travelers that day; we’d managed to be in Bangkok for the Amazing One Day Only Government Sponsored Gem and Jewelry Sale, and thanks to a friendly and helpful local we’d just been clued into that fact. Shame about the Grand Palace being closed though.
Thanks to karma being what it is, since that trip I’ve been extremely fortunate to have managed to be in Bangkok at the same time an Amazing One Day Only Government Sponsored Gem and Jewelry Sale has been happening again. On several occasions. I’m just not sure why the Thai government feels it’s necessary to close thee Grand Palace every time they hold one of their special Gem sales. It must have something to do with Buddhism.
Of course while any Thai tuk tuk driver worth his salt is gonna help celebrate your good fortune by delivering you to where you can make a killing buying gems and jewelry to resell back home at astronomical markups, as a Buddhist, your soul is what really matters to him. When the gods bless you with financial riches, it’s only right that you respond by showing them proper reverence. Being a farang, you may not realize this. No problemo. Before your Officially Licensed By The Thai Government Tuk Tuk Driver takes you to where you’ll be able to begin living the life of the rich and famous, he will take you to see Buddha. If he really cares about you, he may even take you to where you can have a nice suit made for the price of a meal at McDonalds so that you are appropriately attired for your meeting with Buddha. And in your nice new Custom Made Suit Ready In One Hour, you’ll look so splendid your tuk tuk driver will undoubtedly bless you with one of those warm and jubilant smiles Thailand is known for.
Being the lucky guy that I am, I have a closet filled with a variety of Custom Made Suits Ready In One Hour from my numerous visits to Bangkok, as well as a drawer or two filled with all the goodies I snatched up visiting an Amazing One Day Only Government Sponsored Gem and Jewelry Sale. I am truly blessed. Or would be. But while a procession of different Officially Licensed By The Thai Government Tuk Tuk Drivers have seen to my spiritual needs over the years by escorting me to The Golden Buddha, The Lucky Buddha, The Giant Buddha, and The Lucky Giant Golden Buddha, from a recent search on Google I’ve learned that I have been missing out. Not one Officially Licensed By The Thai Government Tuk Tuk Driver has ever taken me for an audience with the fabled Black Buddha of Bangkok. And as much as I love Thailand and consider the Thai people to be next to gods for their deeply held religious belief that all visitors to their wonderful country be personally blessed by the local deities – before being equally enriched thanks to an Amazing One Day Only Government Sponsored Gem and Jewelry Sale – I hate to admit that I’ve come to the conclusion that Thai people are racists.
Golden Buddhas, even the lucky ones, are a dime a dozen in Bangkok. No really. At the amulet market behind Wat Ratchanadda you can buy a dozen small golden Buddhas for a dime. The fabled Black Buddha is a different story. At least it is if you are a visitor from a western country. White folk don’t get taken to see The Black Buddha. That honor is reserved for those visitors whose skin color comes closer to matching the tones of The Black Buddha. Anyone visiting from an Asian, Middle-Eastern, or Latino country is afforded the opportunity of visiting The Temple Of The Black Buddha. Us farang have to make due with a Buddha covered in gold. It’s a shameful blight on the reputation of Thailand. I’m amazed the Thai Government allows this injustice to exist.
Now I’m sure those of you who insist on viewing The Land Of Smiles through rose-colored glasses are objecting right about now. “But dude! I’ve seen a black Buddha in Bangkok!” you’re saying. And I’m sure you have. I have too. But did an Officially Licensed By The Thai Government Tuk Tuk Driver take you to se that Buddha? I bet not. Because while you may have seen a black Buddha, you probably have not seen The Black Buddha. If you had, you’d know The Black Buddha is not black.
As soon as I heard my soul was not properly being tended to in Bangkok, I turned to the world’s premier source for all things religious, Google. A search on ‘black Buddha Bangkok’ returns 6,810,000 hits, and every single website listed on the first page of Google’s search results is a trip report from a non-white visitor who was blessed with the opportunity of being taken to see The Black Buddha by an Officially Licensed By The Thai Government Tuk Tuk Driver (except for one guy who tried to pull a fast one by having the last name of Black. Didn’t work. He only got to see The Lucky Giant Golden Buddha.)
Not being native English speakers, these folk have all translated the word ‘visit’ incorrectly, thinking the proper word is ‘scam’ but then we all know how difficult English is to learn. (I have to admit that while I’d like to think this is just a common error in language usage, now that I know how racists Thai are I suspect this may also be a plot by non-Westerners to keep us whities from ever getting to see The Black Buddha.) In any case, reading of their adventures, the same experience is shared by all. After meeting an Officially Licensed By The Thai Government Tuk Tuk Driver on one of the days the Grand Palace is closed, they are whisked off to see The Black Buddha before being provided the opportunity to participate in an Amazing One Day Only Government Sponsored Gem and Jewelry Sale, only to find upon arrival that The Black Buddha is not black. The Black Buddha is gold. He used to be black. But those damn sneaky Thais, in an attempt to keep The Black Buddha hidden from farang sight, have disguised him by covering The Black Buddha with layers of gold leaf.
You may think I’m being overly suspicious, that the idea of a worldwide plot to keep The Black Buddha away from the farang eyes is just a bit of my natural paranoia shining through. And yes, if you delve far enough into the sites returned by Google you will find the occasional report of The Black Buddha being seen by a farang. But those are always tales told by an European backpacker, a brand of traveller known to bathe infrequently. So you can understand when an Officially Licensed By The Thai Government Tuk Tuk Driver mistakenly thinks they are not white. But Google Images backs up my theory. Do a search on Black Buddha Temple Bangkok, and the pictures you’ll see are from about a dozen different Thai wats. None of which houses the real Black Buddha. Even Google doesn’t want you to see what the temple of The Black Buddha looks like.
I love Thailand. But racism and bigotry needs to be stamped out wherever you find it. The practice of keeping white folk from seeing The Black Buddha has to stop. I urge you to write your congressman today. With your support I’m sure the American government can convince the leaders of Thailand to rectify this matter. And then on my next visit to Bangkok, before I add to my collection of Custom Made Suits Ready In One Hour and my purchases from an Amazing One Day Only Government Sponsored Gem and Jewelry Sale, I’ll finally be blessed with a visit to see Bangkok’s fabled Black Buddha.
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Again, so soon?
This is the second in a series of posts within the I Fell In Love With A Bar Boy series of posts, though it will appear to have little to do with Part One, which I posted a day or two ago. Like that post, this one is capable of standing on its own. But it is a lead in to the post that (should) tie them all together. Coming quickly one after the other, this mini-series should provide a basis to better explain a dilemma, an unforeseen and unexpected problem that has recently risen, though I coulda just as easily asked you to go back and read the previous 91 I Fell In Love With A Bar Boy posts instead. But this way provides an excuse to post another few dozen pix of some hot Asian guys. I’ve always been a firm believer that when life throws you a curve ball, your best response is to turn to porn . . .
Noom, my bar boy friend and current love of my life, is my friend. And a sex partner. He’s also a buddy, travel companion, confidant, fellow provocateur, not to mention an all around nice guy. What he isn’t is a live-in partner. Which may be a good thing since he identifies as straight. Whatever in the hell that means to a Thai. Not that that necessarily precludes us from becoming live-in partners. Distance is to blame for that. As is that I enjoy living in my country too much to ever consider moving to Thailand, and Thailand is too deeply embedded in Noom’s soul for him to ever be happy living in America. That does however preclude me from calling him my boyfriend, ours is more a friendship with benefits regardless of how much we care for each other. And regardless of how much I enjoy having sex with him, our friendship precludes me from calling him the other FB, fuck buddy, because while important (to me), the sex is not the driving force in our relationship. But it ain’t a bad shot in the arm either.
Boyfriend, bar boy friend, lover, sex partner, customer and john . . . what ever you call it, it still boils down to being a relationship. ‘Being in a relationship’ should not require further comment, the parameters of every relationship are different and yet the concept is the same. Or so you’d think. Throw in an adjective or two, however, and what is a relationship to some no longer qualifies as one to others. In my book, a ‘committed relationship’ is an oxymoron; if there is no commitment then there is no relationship. And while whatever works for you is fine by me – because it’s your relationship, not mine – an ‘open relationship’ has just never made much sense to me. It’s a committed relationship without the commitment. Ergo, it’s not.
But then there are nuances to every relationship that are not apparent to outsiders. I’m in a relationship with Noom, an adjective free relationship that we both consider to include a commitment to each other, yet due to his line of work when I’m not in town he’s often to be found in bed with some other farang. Neither of us would call what we have an open relationship; others would say it is the epitome of one. At best, I’d agree that we are not engaged in yet another adjectived relationship: a monogamous one.
Monogamy, as a concept or practice, just doesn’t work. The idea is foreign to mans’ existence. Like with all species on this planet, for men it’s all about procreation. Spreading your seed as often, as far, and as wide as possible is where it’s at. I hope whoever came up with the concept of monogamy died a bloody and well-deserved death. Because that little nugget of moral rectitude is the cause of most problems in relationships.
Throw in the pure pleasure of an orgasm – assuming you are doing it right – and it is astounding that any man would ever be capable of a monogamous relationship. Some would even argue that you are not being monogamous when you have sex with yourself. Most guys masturbate, partnered or not. Even the morally righteous do. In a recently conducted poll 61% of married Christian men admitted to masturbating regularly. Damn cheaters every one.
I do, however, believe you can be monogamous in your heart, while other parts of your body are busy at play. Sex is one thing, an emotional attachment to someone is different. The former does not have to infringe on the latter, though it’s a good idea to establish that parameter before stepping over the line. It will be interesting to see what paradigm develops as gay marriage becomes the law of the land. Some localities, preparing for the inevitable need for divorce laws once same-sex marriage becomes a reality, are having a difficult time defining what constitutes consummation when both parties sport the same sex organs. They are quickly discovering that applying traditional concepts and legal terms to gay marriage is not as simple as it seems. Monogamy is part of heterosexual marriages; it may not necessarily be for same-sex unions.
And when monogamy isn’t a legal/moral boundary, but rather a self imposed one. . . well,
I have to wonder how much monogamy owes its existence to problem avoidance. I’ve been in enough relationships to know that at first the idea of looking for sex elsewhere just doesn’t enter your mind. Your guy is all you need, he is all you want. But then, over time, the idea of a little something on the side takes root. Devotion keeps some from acting on that urge. Guilt does it for others. The possible messiness of being caught and the ensuing arguments, fights, and drama are probably an even greater deterrent. For me it’s never been a question of whether or not to cheat, but rather that if I am contemplating doing so, what then does that say about the relationship I’m in? Which usually results in being about the relationship I’m no longer in.
I take commitments seriously, that includes the commitment to being a couple. No problemo with a traditional boyfriend, at least not until my eye begins to wander. With Noom, it’s different. We are a couple only when I’m in town. Even then, when schedules conflict I’ve sent him off for the night to fleece some other customer. And he has, in turn, given me permission to off other bar boys. Provided I tell him first. Right. I can sometimes be dense, but I’m not stupid.
On every trip I’ve made to Thailand since I met Noom I have serious intentions of playing around, trying someone new, hitting the bars and hitting every hottie I find on the first night or two of my holiday. Or the last few. Or both. Gay Romeo alone offers a wide selection of willing partners. And there are enough gogo bars in Bangkok that even the most picky punter is sure to find one Thai hunk that measures up to his standards. I love Noom. But I’m still a guy. Though evidently a castrated one because despite plans of doing otherwise, as soon as the plane lands I make a beeline for Noom’s arms. In reality, I’m monogamous in our relationship by choice. Possibly, due to laziness.
Whether it is with a bar boy or not, a relationship between a farang and a Thai, where distance is more prevalent than not, presents a whole host of problems. How you deal with the question of monogamy in those relationships differs from one couple to the next. The more frequently you are together, the less of a problem it is. When you are apart, what, if any, boundaries you set are up to you. As are promises made. And whether or not they are kept. However the two for you decide to deal with a long-distance relationship, trust becomes the key. If that trust is lost, whether over a real or imagined infidelity, that relationship is over. Though it may take you a few months, or a few years to realize it.
Noom and I have avoided problem within our relationship by not setting any rules regarding the times we are separated. It wasn’t a conscious decision to do so, but rather by default. By not deciding to, we decided not to. But then we both have a leisurely attitude toward sex. Our emotional attachment is of greater importance. I don’t care how many customers he has – a good thing since that’s how he makes a living – and he doesn’t care what I do back home, or if I off another bar boy in Thailand as long as it’s just sex. Neither has anything to do with what we share. The only time jealousy reared its ugly little head – which actually happened twice – was when he perceived his position in my world was being threatened. But that was about trust too. Both times I was able to reassure him. And both time the make-up sex was incredible.
Even then, Noom likes to remind me that I was a butterfly before meeting him. He likes to remind me of that often. I think that is more about the reassurance he gets from hearing the words than it is about my history. It’s not about my previous habit of flitting from on bar boy to the next, it’s about having finally found a guy to share my in-country life with, the companionship and warmth of knowing an actual person instead of just a nice piece of ass. The sex is just a bonus.
In my last post I wrote about the collectivist society that forms the basis for personal, family, and village life in Thailand, and purposefully did not use the word obligation even though a lot of that culture is based on obligations. My iconoclastic soul bristles at the thought that there are things I have to do, that there are requirements I am obligated to meet. I prefer to think of them as choices. Because all obligations and commitments ultimately really are a matter of choice. Noom and I have made commitments to each other, I have obligations to him as he does to me. Some, in fact most, stem from my accepting and participating in the way Thais have decided the world works. Like with monogamy, none of those obligations can be forced on you. You always have a choice in the matter. If you choose to be monogamous, it’s no longer an obligation. It’s something you do willingly, without thought. When you choose to make a commitment or a promise to someone, it’s no longer about a duty owed. It’s about a mutual agreement, in our case to take care of the other guy’s needs, whether that be emotional, financial, or physical.
The importance of Noom in my life is unquestionable. Defining our relationship isn’t as simple. That I’m a happier person knowing him is a given; that I’m a better person because of him is too. We have both made promises and commitments to each other, out of choice. Monogamy may not be one of those, but seeing to the welfare of each other is. Ours may not fit into the traditional perception of what a relationship is, but it works. Glitches only arise when that relationship encompasses life outside of Thailand’s borders.
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