You’ve all been there. Or at least you have if you are a fan of Pattaya. You’re sitting in one of your favorite bars in Sunee Plaza, trying to act respectable for a change, when the bar boy you’ve been ogling stops by your table, whips out his dick, and shoves it in your face. That’s a timely reminder that since you are spending your night in Sunee there is no good reason for you to fake being respectable. In fact, doing so could get you thrown out of the bar. Throwing decorum to the wind then, you do what any sex starved octogenarian sextouri or sexpat would do and reach out to touch someone. But wait! Danger Will Robinson! Who knows who else has been fondling that penis? And god knows what exotic sexually transmitted diseases you could catch if that someone turns out to be LMTU.

We all know about the nasty germs you can pick up in public places, microscopic little buggers passed on from those who have come before you. So just imagine the dangers of putting your hands in public pubic places. Especially those where LMTU has cum before you. Just the idea of touching something that LMTU has already fondled is enough to make any grown sexpat cry. Or start eyeballing the nearest high-rise for an available balcony. But then what are you suppose to do? Not diddle the bar boys you paid a whopping $3 for a beer to have the right to molest?

A bottle of Maybe LMTU Touched These Genitals Hand Sanitizer is the answer and the perfect gift for the Pattaya aficionado who wants to kill off almost everything except his unhygienic ways. And if in fact those genitals have been played with by LMTU, that barely legal bar boy will appreciated your drenching his crotch with half a bottle of this stuff too. That’s even better than the 20 baht you were going to tip him for your pleasure.

Being the cheap bastard that you probably are since Sunee Plaza is your favorite haunt, you may think any hand sanitizer would do the trick. But the Maybe LMTU Touched These Genitals Hand Sanitizer has been specifically formulated to kill off even the nastiest bugs, the type that cottaging fans easily pick up from spending their evenings kneeling is skanky public loos. We’re talking about the type of germs that would even make crabs want to delouse themselves. Genital herpes and anal warts viruses don’t stand a chance against the new and improved Maybe LMTU Touched These Genitals Hand Sanitizer, available in both its original and new “Smells Like Innocence” fragrances.

This holiday season, pick up a bottle of Maybe LMTU Touched These Genitals Hand Sanitizer for every sexpat on your Christmas list. It’s the perfect gift for the man who has everything, but who doesn’t want to catch anything from the man who has had everything.

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