Sex Tourism puts the world at your fingertips. Or at least at the end of one of your appendages.

Medical tourism gets a big thumbs up from everybody all around the world. Tell your friends you are flying to Bangkok for a major medical procedure in a first class hospital for a quarter of the price it’d cost you back home and they all think you are a god. Hell, tell them you are flying off to a developing country for a stint at a rehab clinic to rid yourself of your latest addiction and you’ll still get satisfactory nods of encouragement. Tell them you are flying to Bangkok for tons of cheap sex with a line-up of incredibly hot guys and their opinion of you drops a bit. Sex tourists get no respect. And that just ain’t right. Too many people focus on the sex part of the equation and get their panties in a wad. Sex tourism is, in fact, just a specialized form of medical tourism. Because all the experts agree: a happy and healthy sex life means a happy and healthy you.

Medical researchers have proven that one of the most important things for a man’s overall health is a healthy sex life. Orgasms are not just a way of life, they are the elixir of life. To better help you explain to your family and friends why you spend so much of your time and money flying off to tiny countries to have sex with the locals, consider these medical facts that not only justify your lifestyle, but encourages it in others too

1. It’s Really About Preventative Health Care: According to research from Queens University in Belfast, men who have sex three or more times a week cut their risk of suffering a heart attack and stroke in half. I’m not that good at math but those findings seem to say having sex a few times a day then, every day of the week, must be the equivalent of triple bypass surgery. And a National Cancer Institute survey of 30,000 middle-aged men found that those who averaged 21 ejaculations a month showed a 33 percent lower risk of prostate cancer than those with 4 to 7 ejaculations a month So two weeks of sex tourism twice a year can cancel the need for seeing your proctologist for at least the next three years.

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness had never been to Thailand.

2. It’s What Ponce de Leon Was Looking For: There is little doubt that all of those explorers of old were getting their freak on when they finally landed on previously undiscovered shores. In fact, they were the original sex tourists. The brutalities of the voyage probably did little for their overall health, but recent studies have shown that for you, an active sex life in middle-age can not only turn back the hands of times, but can make you live longer too. Research done earlier this decade showed that having sex several times a week on a regular basis can make people look four to seven years younger. It also helps keep your body in top shape. 30 minutes of sweating out an orgasm burns about 200 calories, all the while firming up your stomach and ass (or other muscles depending on your chosen position). Your friends may head for the gym, but your two week holiday in Pattaya will leave you looking in much better shape.

3. It Puts A Smile On Your Face: No one likes a grumpy old man. And the process of aging alone is enough to depress anyone. But science has shown that sex unleashes a wave of feel-good endorphins that help ward off depressive symptoms. Forget Prozac, a few weeks of screwing your brains out with hot young studs will do far more for your overall mood.

4. It’s Even Better Than An Apple A Day: Researchers at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania found a 30 percent increase in immunoglobulin A (IgA) proteins in people who had sex once or twice a week, compared to those who didn’t have sex. Those proteins act as antibodies, binding to pathogens when they first enter the body and summoning the immune system to destroy them. Sex Tourists are some of the healthiest people on the planet, scoring multiple orgasms daily that serve to kick their immune systems into high gear. Your friends may busily sanitize their hands to ward off colds and the flu, you can laugh and say, “Well, the two weeks I spent in Bangkok last month took care of that for me.”

A bar boy a day keeps the doctor away.

A bar boy a day keeps the doctor away.

5. It Not Only Feels Good But Alleviates Pain: Oxycontin my ass; oxytocin is a hormone released into your system when you orgasm that sends out an army of endorphins which alleviate pain like that suffered from arthritis. Pay enough attention to your joint and you’ll never suffer from joint pain again.

6. It’s Even Better Than Money: Sure you may drop a few grand on a week or two of sex tourism, but the National Bureau of Economic Research found that having sex regularly makes people happier than earning more money. They estimated that having frequent sex is the equivalent in happiness to earning an extra $100,000 annually. So not only are your trips a good value, you’ll be banking tens of thousands of dollars worth of happiness at the same time.

Now if we could only get the IRS to recognize sex tourism as a legitimate medical deduction, the bars and massage parlors of Thailand would once again be overflowing with happy customers.

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