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While it is not unusual to run across some ancient, ridiculous looking queen – suddenly confronted with a bar full of hot young naked men who are willing to satisfy his every desire for the price of a song – making a spectacle of himself groping the boys and engaging in sexual acts normally reserved for the privacy of a bedroom, most of us – after we’ve gotten that one under our belt – prefer to act in a more appropriate manner when visiting Thailand’s bar world. Meaning we’ve learned it is polite to tip before making a spectacle of ourselves groping the boys and engaging in sexual acts normally reserved for the privacy of a bedroom.
For the first time visitor to Thailand’s world of gay gogo bars it is a heady experience and it’s easy to lose sight of the normal societal rules we usually adhere to. It can also be a confusing situation since the rules of etiquette we’ve been practicing our entire lives suddenly no longer seem to apply. Miss Manners has never addressed how to properly react in a public setting when some naked hunk’s cock is being pushed in your face.
Compounding matters, polite visitors have learned the do and don’ts for visiting Thailand so that they will not offend local customs, but then have those rules turned upside down when hitting their first bar. It’s easy to understand their confusion. We all know you are not supposed to touch a Thai on his head, but what about the silly little queen shrilly screaming, “Tip me!” with its head is buried in your lap while being pounded from behind? Can you then grab his head to aim his mouth toward your hard dick? Is it polite to cram his face further into your crotch, even when your goal is just to shut him up? Or do you have to tip him more for that pleasure?
To help newbies avoid making an embarrassing social faux pas, here’s a list of do and don’ts – heavy on the don’ts – to use when visiting one of Bangkok’s gay gogo bars:
Don’t Just Stand There: When first entering a bar – especially when it is mid-show – newbies often come to a full stop, their motor skills having just been jammed up by the sight of all the naked dick standing up. Understandable, but your wide ass is probably blocking someone’s view so get control of yourself and grab a seat. The sooner you do the sooner one of those erect cocks will come sit beside you.
Don’t Order A Sex On The Beach: I love a play on words as much as the next guy, but when it comes time to order a drink at one of Bangkok’s gogo bars (which is as soon as you and that visiting erect cock sit down) being cute is not appreciated. Ordering a Sex on The Beach instead of a Singha will confuse your waiter and he’ll think you just offered to off him and take him on a two week trip to Phuket. (Of course if your intention was to off him and whisk him away to a tropical paradise, order all the sex you can handle.)
Don’t Ask How Much A Drink Costs: Yes, it is time to master the possibilities. And the possibility that you’ll not only get to enjoy spending and evening drooling over a bunch of naked hunks, but can also take one home with you, is priceless. Unless you feel the need to put a price on it. In which case the entire bar will know you are a cheap ass and respond appropriately. That visiting erect cock that was sitting next to you? Yup, it just went off in search of greener pastures.
Don’t Be A Jerk: Depending on the bar, jerking off may be appropriate but acting like a jerk is not considered good form at any bar. Thais are a very forgiving people, but no one appreciates a loud, boisterous customer grabbing bar boy ass and screeching about all the cock on stage. Show some decorum. Unless you’ve been throwing large handfuls of baht around. Then your unruly conduct is not only expected but encouraged.
Don’t Jerk Off: Sorry, I was kidding about that jacking off thingy. Most bars in Bangkok do not consider shows put on by the customers to be a good thing. You are not Pee Wee Herman so leave your pee wee alone. Pattaya of course is a different story as are the small sleaze bars around Tawan. There you can masturbate to your heart’s delight though the scrawny street urchins who work at those bars will think you are ting tong for doing so when for a mere 20 baht they’d do the job for you.
Don’t Mimic The Sour Faces Of Your Fellow Patrons: A good rule of the road anywhere in the world is when you are unsure of the conduct expected of you, follow the lead of those around you. If the bar you enter is filled with sourpuss old sexpats, this is not good advice. They are living proof of the warning your mother used to make about your face freezing like that. Sitting in a bar full of naked hunks looking like you are trying to pass wind is not the way to attract companionship. Thais devote their lives to having fun and you looking like someone who smells of a bad time will guarantee that you will have something to be grumpy about.
Don’t Fondle The Boys Walking By: Despite the fact that every guy working in the bar is willing to go back to your hotel with you and perform disgusting sexual acts for a mere pittance, molesting them as they walk about the bar is crass. The boys are not just pieces of meat. At least not until they’ve been purchased. Smiling, or waving a 20 baht note in the air, will however entice one or more to sit next to you. Then you are free to fondle away (or at least fondle for as much time as that 20 baht note will buy you).
Don’t Forget Where The Door Is: The bar is all about sex. Your hotel room is all about sex. Both have doors for a reason. Wandering through the streets of Bangkok fondling your boy du jour is a no no. Thais do not approve of PDAs, even in Patpong. Control yourself. You’ll have ample opportunity of embarrassing yourself once you are back in your hotel room with your boy of choice.
Don’t Ask The Boy If He Is Gay: The majority of guys working Bangkok’s gay gogo bars do not consider themselves to be gay. When it means the difference between landing you as a customer or not, the majority of guys working in Bangkok’s gay gogo bars will tell you they are gay. And that they do ‘everting.’ Straight or gay, it does not make a difference, the boy is no more likely to enjoy having sex with your old, fat ass just because he happens to like dick. Because the dick he happens to likes has nothing to do with what is hanging between your legs. A large part of what you are paying for when you off a guy is the fantasy. Don’t make the mistake of bringing reality into the scene because all that really matters to the bar boy is your wallet and your quick orgasm.
Don’t Run Short Of Cash: All over the world, cash is king. And if you want to be king of the bar, even if you are a queen, you better have plenty of it with you. The only bulge in your pants bar boys are interested in is the one formed by your wallet. And tiny-wallet syndrome is a much larger problem than tiny-dick syndrome is. Note that if you run out of baht and only have your country’s currency left, the bar will serve as a currency exchange booth for you at rates that will make your dick shrink. Of course if you are just out for a good time, watching a mamasan try to do the math can always be good for a laugh, though you will always pay dearly for the amusement.
Do Smile And Be Friendly To Anyone Who Talks To You: Okay, so I stole this one off a website about proper conduct when visiting a strip bar in Las Vegas assuming what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Smiling and being friendly is a good tip anywhere in the world where naked bodies are on display. Doing so to anyone who talks to you, however, can be disastrous. Their advice for Las Vegas was “If a lady comes up that you are not interested in, don’t feel obligated to spend time with her. Simply tell her that you aren’t interested in buying a dance at this time and thank her for stopping at your table.” Good luck with that when one of the bar’s screeching little fems plants his ass on your lap in Bangkok. Thais do not like to use the word no, and from lack of use do not understand it either. Sticking two fingers down your throat while making gagging sounds however is a universal gesture understood by all. You can smile again when it leaves.
Do Show The Boys Respect: I would assume that despite what a bar boy does for a living most would realize he is a fellow human being and deserves a modicum of respect, but a long-time sexpat and board owner constantly preaches about showing the boys respect, so I guess it needs to be repeated here too. According to this expert, respect is shown by a: never tipping the boy more than necessary (think around the cost of a so-so meal at a 2 star restaurant, or $15, whichever is lower.); b: never engaging the services of a boy for more than one night (offing a boy for more than for a short-time only serves to encourage his greed so you’ll be respectively taking care of his moral needs in this way); c: pimping the boy out over the internet through a ‘match making’ site (there’s no reason you should not make a profit off the sale of a boys body too), and d: demanding that there is always a multitude of fresh, young boy selling their bodies on Pattaya’s beaches (this should not be confused with greed on your part, it is the way to show your respect for the Thai people whose male offspring should all be given the opportunity of servicing your 500 lb. ass).
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ChristianPFC said:
“Don’t Just Stand There” (I can only speak for myself:) You got that wrong. I stay there (in the door) on purpose, because if there are less than 10 boys on stage I can get an overview in 10 seconds, and if none of the boys on stage is my type I leave and return another day (or not).
Bangkokbois said:
Yup, but that comes with experience – for newbies it is usually the shock of seeing dick that makes them freeze up (and unlike in Pattaya, most of the Soi Twilight bars always have more than a dozen guys working).
tim said:
my comment disapeared …. have you sold your blog to daboss ???
Bangkokbois said:
Just thought I’d get my chance in before Jabba does Tim.
🙂
(Look under the Wednesday Wetness post where you left it)
Alex said:
I assume it’s no coincidence that “Don’t Fall In Love” didn’t make your list. 😛
No problem, I hereby add it for you. ‘Cause a newbie to Bangkok’s gogo bars usually cannot handle a love affair with a bar boy very well. And yet it can be SO damn hard to resist. Good luck, we’ll need it.
Bangkokbois said:
Oh come on Alex, that is impractical. It’s like saying don’t breathe!
Which now that you mention it is a good rule to heed if you ever have to use the toilet in some of those places.
Um, that would be the breathing thingy, not the falling in love!
🙂
Glenn said:
OK, the math thing made me LOL. I tend to spend a couple of hours in my favorite bar and that typically means buying drinks for a handful of people beside myself. When the time comes for the check bin it is always amusing to watch the waiter/waitress or captain try to add it all up.
Bangkokbois said:
I’ve never figured out why a calculator is such a foreign idea inside the bars when every vendor outside on the street uses one. But I’d miss watching them count with their fingers if they ever upgraded.
xiandarkthorne said:
Oh dear…I seem to be guilty of so many things! For starters, I fall in love with every one of the boys I off (until he’s taken his wages and walked out the door), and I always ask every one of them if he’s gay, too, and if he likes having sex with me. On top of that, I also believe them when they say, “Yes. Yes.”
Now you’ve gone and spoiled it all for me. How can I ever fall in love with a barguy again when I don’t know if he’s more interested in my wallet than he might be in me? And whether he says, “yes. Yes.” or not, I’ll be too embarassed to get it up when we get back to my room now (not that I’m not gonna give it the goold old college try!)
Looks like I’ll just have to load up with extra Baht and pretend I believe everything I hear in a bar from now on, for my own peace of mind!
Bangkokbois said:
But then buying into the fantasy is really what it’s all about XD. So you’re good to go!
Paul said:
Dammit I really must get myself to a bar!
Bangkokbois said:
lol, yes Paul, you do!
xiandarkthorne said:
It was all a fantasy? They didn’t really mean it when they told me how nice I looked in my ethnic beads and Balenciagas? They cost me an arm and a leg at Patpong, too!
Seriously, though, I think it’s all good advice for newbies. Isn’t it a pity most people just don’t have the common sense to read up a little about what to expect when they come to LOS for a naughty holiday the first time – let alone admit that they’re sex tourists? Kinda silly to me…I’ve always enjoyed the shock and sensation created when I tell everyone (loudly) that I’m coming to LOS to get my pipes reamed out.
Bangkokbois said:
Funny how often we are willing to pay an arm and a leg to look our best when out shopping for an arm and a leg or two. I do hope your loud annoncement isn’t the greeting you give to the immigration officials.
🙂
xiandarkthorne said:
Well, not exactly. I often travel to BKK by train and once, after I jokingly informed the cute immigration officer that I was looking forward to two weeks of sex, he hoped that I would stop by and see him in Hatyai on my way back (the train from Bangkok arrives at 7am in Hatyai). I didn’t. I went to see him on my next trip to Hatyai instead – coincidentally just a week after I reached home.
Bangkokbois said:
🙂
Great, now I’m going to be thinking about hitting on the immigration guys on every trip!
Glenn said:
Or all those hunky airport cops in their super-tight uniforms. One of them cruised me once and I about melted…at least I think he was cruising me. Maybe I just looked funny.
Bangkokbois said:
Nice. Scoring before you even got out of the airport would be a great start to a trip!
Fred Harvey said:
Dating immigration officers is not fantasy. Upon entering Sri Lanka recently, the drop dead gorgeous immigration officer handed my passport back with a short note reading: I get off duty at 2200. I got off at midnight!
Bangkokbois said:
Thanks Fred!
I love when readers pass on stories like this.
I hate when they forget to pass on a phone number too.
🙂
Andi Cheok said:
read about Nature Boy somewhere in your blog… and somewhere else on the internet…
hmmm… tempted… lolx…
Bangkokbois said:
There’s a link to that post toward the bottom of the page on the right . . . and yeah, you do need to experience Nature Boys!
Don said:
unless I missed it, my main rule for new guys ( I do not live there but this June will be my 19th trip ) is please remember to tip the guy you call off stage to chat with. God, so many visitors are so damn cheap it makes me crazy.
by the way, I usually do want “it” again in the morning. My usual for the night is B 2,000 if a second coming happens then B2,500 or B3,000 depending on how well we get on – then breakfast. Does that sound fair?
Bangkokbois said:
Good on you Don.
No reaon to tip a guy who comes over on his own (unless you keeep him there), but it is thee leeast you can do if you have one spend time with you and then don’t off him.
And 500 baht extra for a morning’s go is fair.
Andre Stan said:
Hello Bangkokbois,
I am a newbie who will travel to Bangkok for the first time. Just wanna ask is there any muscle go go bars other than the so-famous-tawan bar? For instance, Like the picture on top of the page with caption “Don’t play with the boys in public (find a secluded corner to fondle them instead.)” God, I love that muscle hunk with the hat! or probably other information of these kind of bars. Many thanks!
Bangkokbois said:
Hey Andre –
Congrats on your inaugural visit.
Tawan is obviously your best choice as muscles R them. But almost every bar on Soi Twilight has a muscle guy or two (maybe not Classic Boys, but ya never know). And half the fun of the Bangkok bars is in checking each out. So start at one end and work your way down the soi – you’ll end up finding a handful of hunks who’ll please you I’m sure.
Have a great trip!
guyachut said:
Hi I am planning a visit this chritmas
Can we ask the guys to sit with us and fondle them a little