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How To Off A Bar Boy: A Different Kind of 12 Step Program
Let’s Review . . .
You undoubtedly know how to get yourself off – which will come in handy in case you pick out a dud to spend the night with while on holiday in Bangkok – but may not be familiar with how to off a bar boy from one of Thailand’s gay gogo bars. I’ve covered 90% of that process in these First Timer’s Guide To Bangkok Gay Gogo Bars posts, but not in an easy to use basic step by step instructional manner. Normally, I wouldn’t care. But a recent reader asked for the process to be explained and rather than answer a newbie’s question I wanted to tell him to go read the applicable post. Not having an applicable post made that difficult. So I deleted his comment instead.
Telling a newbie to go look it up rather than provide the information he is after is a tradition on all the gay Thailand message boards. Being able to take part in that curt, abrupt, and often rude tradition of abuse is something I do not want to be left out of. So here’s my step by step process for offing a boy from a gogo bar in Bangkok. (You need not read it now, I will link to it hundreds of times in the future when other newbies ask.)
1. Pick a bar, any bar. The one a barker shoves you into while you are walking down soi Twilight acting like you had no idea the street was filled with establishments offering naked men to ogle or to order as take out will work fine. If this is your first visit even if that bar’s boys are not the kind of guys who curl your toes, you’ll still be in heaven.
2. As a customer you have a right upon entering the bar to check it out and make sure it is to your liking. As Thais, those working in the bar have the right to treat you like fresh meat. They are better at being Thai than you will ever be at being a customer, so just go with it.
3. You will be shown to a seat facing the stage. Quit staring at the naked guys on stage and sit down. Once seated, start staring at the naked guys on stage.
4. A staff member will ask you what you want to drink. You probably will not understand their question. The drink is a gift from the bar in exchange for you paying a overcharge for watching the show. The longer you sit there, the more cover charges you will pay. The price is fixed. It does not matter if you order water, champagne, or a Johnnie Walker Blue. Except that they will know what water is and god knows what you’ll get as a whiskey. Mixed drinks and shots will all be of the cheapest brand of liquor available in Thailand. Which is probably illegal to sell in your home country. Your best bet is a Singha, a local beer. It will come in a bottle and you don’t then have to be concerned of when the glass you’d otherwise get had been last washed. Because it never has been.
Your cover charge that you mistakenly thought of as the price for a drink will run you somewhere around $10. Don’t bitch about the price, you are a newbie. Ten years from now when you are an experienced and jaded customer – often referred to as an expat – you can let the world know what a cheap bastard you are and bitch non-stop about how much drinks costs at gogo bars. But that’s an honor that has to be earned. You are not there yet.
5. The stage will be filled with hot and not-so-hot young and not-so-young Thai men wearing skimpy underwear. They all stand staring vacantly into space. We call this dancing. They call it work. The boys will slowly rotate around the stage so that you can weigh the pluses and minuses of each of them much as you would when buying cattle. If the stage is in the middle of the bar, they will face in each direction during some point of the rotation. This is so that tops can check out the important part to them and bottoms can check out the important parts to them. It also keeps the boys from falling asleep. If the bar is too small for a center stage, mirrors on the wall will allow you front and rear viewing opportunities.
6. The guys on stage will all be wearing numbered badges. This is neither their age or size. It is their name. The other name they use is made up too and for you will be unpronounceable, so just get used to calling your new best buddy twenty-eight. The number system is so that you can identify which boy you are interested in to a mamasan. It also comes in handy when making your list of potential boys. Unless you fall into lust, take your time in selecting a boy. Depending on the size of the bar’s stable there may be several different stages full of guys to choose from and you don’t want to commit to one when a better boy may come along later. On the other hand, they are cheap and it’s just as easy to buy a few.
7. When you have made your selection tell the annoying staff member who has been screeching, “You want boy?” in your ear which you want. You have a 60% chance of getting the guy you indicated. You also have a 90% chance of never reaching this stage of the transaction. Thais are helpful people and are concerned about making your visit to their country as enjoyable as possible. At the bar, many helpful boys will come sit by you without your having ever shown any intention.
8. Regardless of how he got there, the boy will greet you with the traditional Thai welcome of, “Where you from?” He’ll follow that up with “Where you stay?” and “How long you stay Bangkok?” Depending on your answers he may start playing with your crotch, or run away screeching in terror. These questions provide him with the important information about you. Where you are from tells him culturally how big of a tipper you are and what type of disgusting perverted sexual acts you will be interested in. Where you are staying tells him how rich, or how cheap you are. How long your holiday is tells him how many nights he can expect to book you as a customer.
If you do not like the boy and do not want him to stay with you, when he asks where you are from tell him India. He will leave immediately. And you may be asked to leave the bar. If that didn’t work, tell him you are staying in a shared room at a hostel in Khaosan. If he hasn’t fled by then quickly add that your six room mates are all from India and share everything.
If you like the boy and he does not find you repulsive, meaning you seem to have some cash, the only thing either of you are interested in is cutting the deal and heading back to your hotel. The bar will want you to buy him a drink first. His too is a cover charge. Even though he is in the show.
9. Before you leave the bar with the meat you selected, you will pay for your drinks, the drinks you bought for boys, the drinks you bought for waiters, and the drinks you bought for the mamasan and/or captain. You will also pay for drinks that magically appeared on your bill though never served to anyone. On top of the charges for booze, you will also pay an ‘off fee’ or bar fine. The amount depends on the bar but will be between 300 and 500 baht. Since fives are easier to add, expect your off fee to be at the higher end of the scale.
During your evening at the bar, as you bought drinks for yourself and all of your new friends, the waiter has skipped a piece of scribbled on paper into your check bin, a small round cup sitting on the table in front of you. The off fee bill will be added to your check bin, and then a mamasan will add up the amounts on the papers. She will use her fingers and toes to do so. If she is a ladyboy, she may use her dick to carry the one. When the mamasan frowns, it means she lost count. Then she will pull a number out of the air as your total.
Your change will be returned in a check wallet, loaded down with coins. Every Thai in the bar, including customers will look at you for a tip. You might want to review the specific post on this blog about tipping at gogo bars to find out just how many of them should be tipped, and how much. Or save yourself the time and follow local custom: Thais do not tip.
10. Back at your hotel after tipping the hotel front desk – a tip known as a joiner fee which is a service charge to thank the hotel for pimping its rooms out – you and your boy du jour will finally be alone. Now that he can devote all of his attention to you, he’ll ignore you preferring the company of your television instead. Go take a shower. A cold shower is not a bad idea because there is a good choice the guy you picked out is a dud and you won’t be getting any.
When you are clean it is time to be direct: tell your boy to go shower. He knows this means the main event is to start up. An hour later, and after you have mopped up all the water flooding out of the bathroom, you’ll finally get what you paid for. Good luck with that.
11. When you are done, your boy will shower again to rinse the stench of you off of him. When he is through and dressed he will head towards the door and then pause. This is when you tip him. The boy will not have change, make sure you have the amount you’ve decided to tip readily available. Most boys will take your money, wai, and depart. Some will take your money, ask for more, pout when you do not give them more, and then wai, and depart. Congrats. You just hired yourself a prostitute, possibly the first time in your life you have ever done so. Live with it. Tomorrow night, and for many years in the future, you will be doing it again.
12. Repeat as necessary, or up until the time your plane departs.
<<< Previous First Timer’s Guide To Bangkok Gay Gogo Bars Post
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bebot q gomez said:
Your blog came in very handy and timely as I am leaving for my much awaited 7-day holiday in Bangkok on Monday, 12 March 2012.
First stop: Tawan, where else? Hope I get to meet #’s 3 and 7.
Will be reporting as soon as I get back. Best Regards!
Bangkokbois said:
And the waiting is almost over B!
Don’t behave yourself, spends lots of money, and have a great time!
(Don’t forget to take lots of picture too.)
🙂
Glenn said:
ahhh. you make it all sound so romantic!
Bangkokbois said:
lol
I really should do a ‘through rose color glasses’ post for balance, huh Glenn?
Glenn said:
Maybe not rose-colored, but I think your post is a little more cynical than it needs to be. There are certainly plenty of things to watch out for, but gogo bars can be fun. I think if I read this as a newbie I would never go to a gogo.
Bangkokbois said:
Yikes! There goes my boy’s profits!
I appreciate the read though. While my intention is humor, someone landing on one of the guide pages may not pick that up and then be unduly concerned. Not that being hyper-alert is a bad thing. Perhaps I need to make sure I also include how damn fun the bars are in these posts.
Smiles said:
Quoth he: ” … Telling a newbie to go look it up rather than provide the information he is after is a tradition on all the gay Thailand message boards …. ”
Methinks you are seeing/thinking only that which you WISH to see/think.
In fact, telling newbies where to go happens only rarely these days, and, very often, other Members will more often than not, en masse, savagely knock down the writer who suggests it, rather than the newbie.
In the grand tradition of your heroes (apparently) Rush and Glenn, paper tigers ~ or is that elephants, I always forget? Or is it even paper? ~ are set up to be knocked down … the quite innocent victims of your foul generalization being the Genuine Nice Guys on all message boards who would NEVER let such boorish behavior stand. I know, they’d rather die.
I, me, myself have attacked Newbies in that way on occasion. But not in several years now, although to be honest, only after becoming a monk at Wat Pra Tong Chai and insisting on ten lashes to my naked backside (god! it felt good!) as merit. I’d never do that again … (the newbie attack that is, not the lashing.)
So take your tiger or your elephant and stuff it.
(FYI for you wannabe Blogmasters out there: One should always be able to smell trouble coming when a guest uses the words “quoth” and “methinks” within the opening three lines.)
A VERY non-smiling Smiles.
Bangkokbois said:
It’s a bitch being back home again and thousands of miles away from Thailand, huh Smiles?
smiles said:
Fuckin’ ‘A’ …
tim said:
smiles you have a memory of a snake … i seem to remeber you attacking me after my first few posts …. how did you manage to forget that ??
selective memory … such a wonderful thing … do they teach you that in monk school ?
maybe they lashed you over the head rather than youre ass!
Max said:
Quote: “If you do not like the boy and do not want him to stay with you, when he asks where you are from tell him India. He will leave immediately. And you may be asked to leave the bar. If that didn’t work, tell him you are staying in a shared room at a hostel in Khaosan. If he hasn’t fled by then quickly add that your six room mates are all from India and share everything.”
WHY this hostility to India/Indians?
Bangkokbois said:
Unfortunately Max visitors from Inda have earned a rep for being notoriously cheap.
Bar boys will put up with a lot, but a cheapskate is not one of them.
jim said:
You mentioned that most of the bar boys are straight and that is fine by me. What I would really like is to watch one of them have sex with a thai girl or at least jo and watch str9 porn with him. How could I best arrange that with a bar boy?
Bangkokbois said:
You’ll have no problem accomplishing either Jim.
Pick the guy you like, have a mamasan or captain help translate what it is you want if his English is not good enough (though it probably will be). Best to let him pick a girl – a visit to Soi Cowboy will make his night. But you’ll also have to tip the girl, and they ain’t cheap.
If you do the porn thingy instead, check – your hotel may have a dvd in the room, a lot do now. You can buy porn on the streets (there are usually several booths along Silom by the entrance to Soi 4).
Either way he’ll probably enjoy his time with you much more than if he had to perform his normal routine.
jim said:
Wow thanks for replying so quickly. Yes I agree I should let him pick out the girl. Maybe he will “take care of me” as you described earlier and get me a better rate. How much more expensive are the bar girls anyway?
Bangkokbois said:
Fish is not my forte Jim, so how much a girl would cost from a Soi Cowboy Bar is not something I can answer. At the bottom of this page in my Blogroll is a link to Stickman’s Weekly, he covers that beat and if you email him he’d probably be willing to give you the expected range of tips (and might even suggest the best bar for you to pick the girl from).
Edy said:
Hi bb….
Thanks for the infos. The culture was very well studied and analysed. I m very interested to visit Pattaya. Can u suggest any go go bar that serve youngest legal boys? Young and slim or maybe femboy ( maybe college boy). Again, thank you.
Bangkokbois said:
Thanks Edy. I’m not a fan of Pattaya or young boys so the best I can tell you is to hit Sunee Plaza, the bars are all close to each other and I’m sure you can find who you want there.
red said:
Hi..ur blog is very informative..liked it…i am planning to travel in bangkok and experience the gay life..keep up the good work.
Bangkokbois said:
Thanks Red.
And thanks for taking the time to leave a comment.
Hope you have a grand time on your trip!
newbie said:
Maybe it is a little cynical but made me laugh a few times 🙂 What happens if they tack extra drinks on to your bill? I don’t mind giving out a couple of tips or drinks whatever but I couldn’t let them take the piss. Can you grab the pen and do the maths for them and if that fails just leave what you know is right and walk out with a muttered “fuck you”?
Bangkokbois said:
Actually, that’s a good question. It is likely to happen either on purpose or from not having enough fingers to count with. Best bet is to correct them while making a joke out of it. If you get mad or imply they are stupid, a wall comes up you’ll never get past. Keep smiling and laughing and you’ll get the matter handled.
newbie said:
ok, keeping it good humoured is usually the way 🙂
Tricky said:
Hi
Enjoyed this blog very much and made me laugh and sad . We are going in November ( as in 2 couples) are there any gogoboys that are gay part from lady boys and where will they be ? And does every massage parlour end up with a happy ending ?can we also where we will find bars win which just the real gay boys and men hang out . Thank again for the read we will def be doing one gogo bar for the experience
Bangkokbois said:
Thanks Tricky.
You’ll find both gay and straight guys working at most gogo bars, though none only employ just gay guys. Most of the guys will tell you they are gay, even if they are not, unless they think you mean will they bottom. (Then they’ll tell you they are a man.) Not that you would necessarily know which are which once you get them in bed anyway.
All the massage places that cater to gay men provide happy endings. But you do not have to take it to that point, you can just get a massage. Of course most of the workers are not necessarily skilled at that task. For a real massage without sex, you are better hitting a mainstream place. Or if your hotel offers the service (and many do) get one there. If you want to experience a real Thai massage you should hit Wat Pho and have one at the temple. There, there is no question that a happy ending is not in the cards.
Soi 4 (Silom) is where the bars and pubs for gay touri are. That’s where you’ll meet ‘real’ gay men (though some moneyboys work the area too). Same with the dance clubs G.O.D. and DJ Station. There are also more Thai orientated places, but unless you speak the language you’ll probably feel out of place.
You should check the date for the Loi Krathong celebration in November to see if they coincide with your visit. It has nothing to do with being gay, but is one of the mor spectacular Thai holidays.. Have a great trip!
Andi Cheok said:
just when i am missing BKK… my boss asked to travel with him to BKK for some bidness… jackpot!
so barely two weeks after my virgin visit to soi twilight (without offing any boy)… I found myself under that red signboard again…
and thanks to spending a week plus ploughing through this wonderful blog… I feel like a pro… ha ha… I actually pass-by X-Boys (which was my original intent) and headed for Classic… The staff at Classic was none-pushy as compared to X-Boys…
I was captivated by a boy in a cap who was really dancing and seems like he enjoyed it… plus his smile is heart melting… pardon me for asking – if the boy is in the show… would you be able to off him before or after the first show?
Anyway… headed over to X-Boys after Classic’s Show… and boy…the boy I had the hots for… who i didn’t manage to off two weeks ago… remembered me! cut a long story short… had a drink in the bar… buying drinks for half the staff… and offing my dream boy…
thanks again to this blog… back at the hotel… i already check earlier… no joiner fee coz the hotel we stayed carters to more business den leisure visitors …
in the room… my boy looks surprised when I pass the TV remote control to him… told him “u see tv… i shower”… when his turn to shower… i hid myself under the sheets… true to your numerous mention… the boy appeared wrap in his towel… I playfully used my hands to cover my eyes while he drop the towel… cupped his dick… and climb into bed… well… my boy actually off the tv when we were in the midst of our good time… hmm…
afterwards… he actually asked for my email and added me to his Facebook… WhatsApp… WeChat… on the spot!
the next nite (also last nite)… intent was to aim for Classic Cap Boy… but he wasn’t wearing his cap…and spotted a Mohawk hair cut which kinds of put me off…
and i found myself in X-Boys again… and before i know it… one of the mamasan who actually was very helpful the previous two times i was there.. produced “my” boy… I stayed for the show – but found it kinda boring (as mentioned in one of your other posts.. after one show… is enough)…
i actually thought of watching Dream Boys show… but wasn’t sure would it be Okay to off a boy from Bar A and proceed to watch Bar B’s show together ? ?
and also remembering a point you post a few times about Thais being big on “face” issue… although having a early morning flight… i still off “my” boy… coz not doing so after he sitting with me through out the show… would definitely be a big lost of face for him in the bar… being Asian myself… i understand the “face” issue well…
with no intention of sex… as the previous nite orgasm was damn intense… i was quite content with cuddling… but “my” devil boy said “we try”… and managed to milk an orgasm out of me…. hee hee…
well… i had a great time on this trip… make a bar boy friend… who sends me a WhatsApp message everyday at 3pm… hmmm… do i sense a dead buffalo sometimes down the road? ha ha…
PS:
Pardon the long comment… I had a really good time at the gogo bars… thanks to the numerous tips in this blog… and once again… Thank You!!
Bangkokbois said:
Wow. Lucky you Andi! Thanks for sharing your adventure – sounds like you’ve been enjoying the soi as it was meant to be enjoyed!
In answer to a few of your questions: Yes, in most cases you can off a guy who is supposed to be in the show before it begins. The bar will just assign a different boy to take his place. Unless he is one of the ‘stars’ – then he’ll tell you he has to do the show first.
BTW, smooth move in handing your guy the tv remote – you undoubtedly earned the ‘good heart’ label for that one!
No problem usually in taking a guy off from one bar and going to watch the show at another. They usually enjoy doing so, and often have a friend or two working at the other bar anyway.
So how long until your next visit now?
🙂
Andi Cheok said:
thanks for publishing my comment… would love to share my adventure with other followers of your blog… especially the un-initiated… its a shame that I i only found your blog in a tut tut… when I lost my way to soi twilight… on my virgin trip… well.. late is better den never…
I noticed that Classics being a smaller bar… has a more informal ambience… the guys were chatting with each other on stage during their rotation… and the captains / mamasans generally left the clients alone… but one of them were observant enough to noticed tat I have been staring at Boy-in-Cap… and volunteered the infor that he will be “dancing the show”… kinda of regret never off-ing him though… well.. that will be a reason… ok… excuse… to visit BKK again… hee heee….
the reason why I ended up in X Boys the second nite…was partly due to the very helpful mamasan – he speaks very fluent Mandarin (Chinese)… which is also one of my native languages… so I am able to communicate with ease… he discretely removed a few bills from my check bin… I saw him handing those few pieces to the cashier and signing something… for this he earned quite a big tip at the end of my nite in X Boys… he also introduced a very senior ladyboy… or ladyman? ha ha… saying he/she is one of the share holders of the X-group… one of your posts talked about reputation of gogo bar clients… seems like I already earn some only after three visits… good or bad ??? ha ha…
the second nite I was at X-Boy… seems that the entire bar presume I would be off-ing the same boy… although I didn’t mind off-ing him… but well… there was another equally cute guy… hmmm… another reason… ok… excuse… for the next trip… and then I can qualify to be a butterfly ??? no ?? ha ha…
the TV remote part… well… like what you been telling readers… if we let the boys / mamsans know we respect their culture… understand their stand point… and take care of them… they will in-turn… ensure we are well taken care off…
seems like “my” devil boy already planned to meet me at the airport on my next visit… good or bad ??? ha ha…
next visit will be a family trip in October… meaning I might not have alone time to head for that red signboard… hmmm….
or maybe… hmm… might be able to steal some time off in September for a quick visit… instead of flying bidnesss or even economy… can always fly budget… and save the difference to off more boys… or in preparation for a dead elephant… hee hee…
Bangkokbois said:
Thanks again Andi for sharing your tales. It’s been a long time since the days when I was a newbie, so it’s refreshing to read of a first timer’s experiences. Even more so when it is a positive report filled with an obvious enjoyment of what the bars have to offer. So often I hear about how disgruntled a visitor is, far too often you read about someone bitching about how much their night out cost. Your telling, on the other hand, is a take on the Mastercard advertisement: A night out at the gogo bars of Bangkok: priceless!
So you threw a bit of money around. And look what it got you. A good rep among the bar boys and mamasans – so much so that you got comped a few free drinks! Now that’s an experience few visitors can claim! And you’ll be amazed how long that rep lasts too – you are set for years and years of being treated like a VIP. And something tells me I’m not ever gonna hear from you about a guy you offed being a dud.
Thanks again for sharing your experiences, I hope you’ll continue to drop a note after your future visits (which sounds like will be both frequent and numerous!)
Andi Cheok said:
It’s the information from your blog that prepared me well for “enjoying the soi as it is meant to be enjoyed”!
I am not into muscles… prefer twinks… but I plan to drop in to Tawan on my next trip.. Just to take a peak at Noom… and probably pass him a “red packet”… (Chinese custom of giving a small red envelope filled with cash during new years… birthdays… any auspicious occasions… or just for well wishes)… Think he will be thrilled to have a Singapore fan ?? No ?? Ha ha…
Do let me know if you visit Singapore… I would love to host a meal…
Hmm… Few airlines are offering promo fares in Sep… and BKK is less then 3 hours away… Tempting… Ha ha…
Bangkokbois said:
Yeah, I assumed from your note about the guy at Classic that twinks were more your style Andi. The ‘red packet’ is a sweet idea, thanks – and you’ll be pleased to know you can find Noom at Hot Male, not Tawan, so at least you’ll be hitting a bar with somee guys who are to your liking!
Andi Cheok said:
next trip confirm in October….
but is a family trip… hmm…. how to steal time off to head for that red sign board???
Bangkokbois said:
Take the family to Sukhumvit by Nana in the early evening. They’ll be so traumatized by the aggressive ladyboys and African’s selling drugs they’ll flee back to your hotel and then the night is yours!
Andi Cheok said:
all set for Oct trip… my sister visits BKK for her annual shopping spreed… she has not done so this year… plus my parents anniversary is in Oct… so a family trip to BKK is mentioned… and the rest just fell in place…
I would have two evenings away from the family… my “devil” bar boy already planned on dinner and some sight seeing on one night… I only mention one free evening to him… coz I want the second evening to myself to explore more opportunities… hee hee…
so looking forward to BKK again… and of course to that damn red sign board… haiz…
babu said:
i am Indian guy living in USA, going to BKK on my way to India. Reading your comments about India, will I be humiliated in those bars?
Bangkokbois said:
Unfortunately Indians have a rp for being cheap Babu. Your best bet is to tip the mamasan 100 baht from the get go. Or buy her a drink. The word will pass quickly that you are not a tightwad then.
Tobi said:
I think what this post really needs is a downloadable PDF. With tick boxes. Maybe an ebook? An IFTTT flow chart would be helpful, too. Perhaps an interactive iPhone app, with geo locate and bar boy translate?! Just saying…. 😉
Bangkokbois said:
That’s not what a spread sheet means when you have a hot bar boy with you.
Tobi said:
There’s definitely a board game here though, Monopoly-style, you land on Sunee Plaza, go directly to gaol, do not pass GoGo, do not collect pension, etc. etc.