Time again for a post under the Criticism, Critiques, and Claps category. While I was leaning toward a Turtle Ass Award – everyone always loves them so – I did not intend to look toward one of the gay Thailand boards for inspiration this time around. But then I ran across the ‘All About LMTU’ thread on Jabba The Butt’s blog bored board and figured such a thread so prominently placed and so well read and posted to could only be an on-line eulogy to the great man and felt it only right – even though I’d always thought LMTU would be the Susan Lucci of the Turtle Ass Awards – I add my own tribute by presenting a special award in his memory.
Like most, I was saddened to learn of Let Me Tell U’s demise. A testament to LMTU’s popularity within the community, the tribute thread was seventeen pages long and had over 3,500 views, a new record for Jabba’s forum, the next closest being the infamous ‘stinky poo’ thread, one I never bothered to read but believe was a challenge to find a new and more appropriate title for Jabba’s board. Jabba is a difficult man to forget, but well worth the effort. There is no beginning to the man’s talents, but you have to give him credit for braving yet another attempt at a successful website if for no other reason than his efforts lend credence to the old adage ‘if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again’. And again, and again, and again, and again. Jabba started his board at the bottom and it’s been a downhill battle ever since. As owner, moderator, and top poster, he ruins his board single handedly, doing the work of three men: Curly, Larry, and Moe.
Since days – and sometimes weeks – go by with LMTU being the only member to start a new thread on Jabba’s forum, you can understand how deeply Jabba misses him. And he feels personally responsible for LMTU’s passing as preliminary reports are that LMTU died of boredom while reading one of Jabba’s posts. Authorities in Pattaya believe the same causation may be behind the rash of flying expat deaths that city has experienced over the last year.
Jabba started the thread off with a moving account detailing the countless minutes he and LMTU had spent together in person. But the depth of their bromance found its home on-line where the two, equally unarmed, often engaged in a battle of wits. Jabba usually won, relying on his authority to close or lock the thread using his famous iron fist, the strength of which he has built over the years in a failed attempt at becoming the master of his domain. Yes, Jabba often proved he was the bitter man, but LMTU gave as good as he got, the boys he’d spent a lifetime buying wishing he’d done the same with them.
And speaking about premature ejaculators, Jabba turned the LMTU tribute thread into a sticky post, a term that could well apply to many threads on his board. He suspended his normal draconian set of board rules, that in itself a testament to the high regard in which he held LMTU. But Jabba’s actions have never spoken as clearly, or as plodding or as pontificating in manner as his words, nor do the two streams of consciousness often meet. So let’s turn to Jabba’s own words to pay “The great LMTU” respect.
Jabba, likening LMTU to Field Marshal Montgomery:, and admitting “throughout all the years of his posting, he’s never wrong,” offered a sorrowful lament: “Why, oh why can’t I be more like Let me tell u? Let me tell u is certainly my role model. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could all be more like him . . . ?” Jabba added that that had long been one of his goals and apologized that “my board is about Thailand. It isn’t about you and your interesting life.”
Continuing with praise for his BFF, Jabba added: “I don’t think anyone, including me, can deny he does generate interest. There are plenty of real characters around here, but LMTU holds a place of his own. There is only one LMTU.” And then he thanked God for LMTU’s brief time amongst us.
LMTU, who touched so many lives while bringing enjoyment to so few, started his posting career on SGT where he quickly became a board favorite known for his eloquent writing style and for posts brimming with useful information. On SGT, he quickly demonstrated that his mine was so fine that no idea could penetrate it. And though other posters often took great exception to LMTU’s utterances, he did not allow their negativity and flaming to slow him down, showing that he didn’t know the meaning of the word ‘fear’. But then, he didn’t know the meaning of most words.
It wasn’t long before the rest of the cyber world took notice and fans began copying and pasting LMTU’s posts, often week, months, and sometimes years before LMTU actually posted his. Realizing that his posts put other member’s attempts to shame, he abandoned SGT as he did board after board after board until finding his home and the perfect site for his talents at Jabba’s corner of the internet where everyone is entitled to be ignorant and most abuse the privilege.
LMTU’s legion of friends and fans chimed in to his eulogy thread adding their own testimony to the man’s superior intellect. Wallace the Wallet made a brief statement, saving his breath as he needed it to blow up his date for the night, comparing LMTU to the beloved Walter Mitty character. And Smiles, a modest man who has a good deal to be modest about, referred to him as “The Legend LMTU”. Smiles’ most recent posts are a homage to LMTU’s fascinating writing style, becoming more and more LMTU-esque with each posting.
Trongpai, the kind of person who can say absolutely nothing – and mean it, was so taken with LMTU’s persona, he rued the fact that he had passed on before someone told him how to start his own blog, stating that ‘it would be an win-win” for LMTU and his fans. Trongpai also felt the on-line eulogy wasn’t enough of an honor suggesting a foam party be held in Bangkok in LMTU’s honor complete with an open bar and some finger food as a fitting tribute since LMTU so often received a one finger salute from his many fans. (Jabba, btw, plagiarized Trongpai’s blog idea, then used a classic LMTU move stating that he and TP had the same idea at the same time, proving that yes, great minds do stink alike.)
Geezer, to whom someone once passed on the bad advice that he should always be himself, showed his love for the man by paying tribute to LMTU’s unchallenged veracity, recounting many of his favorite posts, noting LMTU’s tale of his adventures with a comely army boy he met in Saranrom Park was “a riveting series of posts.” And Rocket, choked with emotion and unable to post a coherent thought added “what an inspiration LMTU” has been to him.
Jaafar, temporarily abandoning the board everyone else abandoned years ago, took a more direct approach to immoralizing LMTU saying of his posts that they were “. . . a perfect example of what people . . . want to read on this message board.”
Thaiworthy, who evidently recently got laid which greatly improved his normally dour demeanor, compared LMTU to William Shakespeare, and in one of the more eloquent statements said, “I don’t think anyone can deny LMTU’s posts don’t include farce, slapstick and mistaken identities, puns and bad word play. They are the elements that make him unique. He is a colorful character and pulling on the reins will not change him. Whoever else he is, he is still LMTU. Let the man dance and play and restrict him here as you see fit, but don’t scratch your heads wondering why he is so popular. If the reason isn’t obvious, it never will be.”
And Oxfordman, who knows little and suspects less, added, “. . . LMTU, . . . intriguing to say the least, . . . appears . . .respectable and liked by the gay community . . . he is the greatest.”
Jabba closed out the tribute thread by donating a special spot on his board for all future posts about LMTU, a permanent place for his fans and friends to continue their love-fest. Meanwhile, over at SGT, a similar LMTU thread received nowhere near the amount of attention it should have as the forum’s pecksniffian posters were busy trying to dictate how that board will conduct itself under its new ownership. The new owner, Da Boss, has made himself known and the overwhelming response and best wishes from the membership there have surely sent him off to read the fine print on Elephantspike’s refund and return policy.
And so, knowing tradition dictates special awards be named after a well-known and universally disrespected personality I give you the Jabba The Butt Lifetime Aggrievement Turtle Ass Award, and it’s first recipient LMTU. Fortunately LMTU’s posting career occurred in a Buddhist country where the belief in reincarnation is strong. I’m sure we will see LMTU, or one of his numerous personalities, posting again soon, offering walking, talking, stumbling, and posting proof that you don’t have to be sentient to survive.
Al said:
Hillarious and uncannily accurate I fear.
LMTU said:
WOW I DON’T KNOW WHO TOLD YOU LMTU IS DEAD BUT JUDGING BY THIS DIATRIBE, HE NEEDS TO BE VERY MUCH ALIVE TO STOP THE ROT SLIPPING FURTHER IN THE REALMS OF COMPLETE BOREDOM WHEN ANY ONE IS READING THE GAY FORUMS.
THANKS FOR YOUR WONDERFUL “A’BITCH’ARY” SORRY MY SPELLING IS ATROCIOUS, AND I HOPE I CAN RETURN THE COMPLIMENT SOME TIME.
SO BY THE SOUND OF IT, MY UTTERING’S, SOUND LIKE A BREATH OF FRESH AIR, IN A SEA OF GUYS WHO JUST WANT TO BE ENTERTAINED.
THANKS FOR HELPING US ALL MANAGE TO SOMEHOW ACHIEVE THAT.
KIND REGARDS
LMTU STILL ALIVE AND KICKING ASS THAT IS, OR AM I WRITING FROM THE GRAVE AS YOU KNOW I DO LIKE A SCOOP.
dropdeadguys said:
I’m deeply concerned . . . I actually followed all that.
Doorty Nelly said:
Poor gay-Butthole, he will miss his star poster
Matt said:
“Little to Tell U” would be a more accurate handle.
Gaybutt wrote towards the end of the marathon posting “that will also be the end of personal attacks being permitted on this board. I allowed it on this thread. I won’t allow it on any others.” — Don’t count on it! Her friends will still be able to attack & she will as well.
dropdeadguys said:
“Little to Tell U”
lol
that’s good!
Herbert from Glasgow said:
I see Let Me Smell You has started a thread over on Jaba the Butts blog about this post as he loves to talk about himself, he would be expecting to have loads of replies but the only person who has feed his ego is old Jaba , and he would reply to anything.
Master Butt and LMTU seem to use the blog to scream ITS ALL ABOUT ME,
and anyone who does not agree will be banned.
What a sad pair of demented little old men.
Thurston said:
“Little” — are you sure? 😉 I do agree about sad, demented & old!
How about “jumbo” for at least one of them?
I’m not sure of the tonnage of “Let Me Bore U” — the image in his profile looks to be of a pre-teen.
LMTU said:
Sorry to bore you, but the boy in my avatar was my boyfriend and was Murdered he was 19.
God rest his sole and yours.
LMTU said:
It would be nice if we could see how many guys log in to read all your hard work here, I’m sure the numbers have risen lately for some reason 🙂
dropdeadguys said:
WordPress’ site stat widget only reports total views, a worthless number. But when I get around to redesigning the layout, I’ll find an off-site widget with more detail. Visitors number have risen daily, thanks, but the portion attributable to your thread on Jabba’s board is pretty minor. The 24 hour span from your post brought in 44 visitors from Jabba’s, less than 6% of the total number from that period. Yesterday it was down to 5 visitors clicking over from Jabba’s. A drop in the bucket compared to any mention on SGT. Even Baht Stop’s Turtle Ass Award brought in more readers.
I’m sure that’s no reflection on the fascination board members have with you LMTU. But Jabba immediately posted to your thread, and nothing kills interest in a thread quicker than yet another of Jabba’s misguided attempts to tell the world how it should think and conduct itself. Must be a bitch trying to rule the world with a moral compass whose needle is permanently stuck pointing south.
Mike I. said:
Very good response!
Gay Butt is 100% wrong when he wrote that your blog is “primarily designed to put people down.” The reality is that you occasionally write in a humorous manner about the gay Thailand forums & that your range of topics is in fact quite broad. By the way, your latest article on Chiang Mai’s Wat U-Mong was excellent & the photos were beautiful!
Gay Butt has banned so many disagreers & alienated so many other posters with his whack job personality that your hilarious observation is becoming increasingly true: “Since days – and sometimes weeks – go by with LMTU being the only member to start a new thread on Jabba’s forum.”
As for this “Let Me Teabag U” clown, does anyone else get the impression he is a completely self-absorbed drama queen? What on earth is the point of writing so many verbose, DULL posts that are absolutely void of any interesting content? Even in his comments on this blog, the self-absorption is profuse.
My final comment is on the “boy” in the avatar of “Let Me Teabag U”: I think another commenter got it right on the underage aspect. We all know Asians can look younger than they are, but give me a break! The photo must have been taken at a much earlier age when he was first debauched, propositioned, or whatever you want to call it. Something is just a little bit off with a 50+ year age difference in a “relationship” with a hooker! That sort of depraved thinking about “relationships” permeates the twisted posts of “Let Me Teabag U.”
dropdeadguys said:
Thanks for the kind words aboout my blog Mike!
Sane, logical, and reasoning? Boy, you would not last long in Jabba’s world!
Bruce said:
Maybe LMTU can click on and off this thread to raise the viewed numbers, just like he does to his own posts on the Betty Button bog of shame.
I see Let Me Bore You has bumped the post he made about this thread as no one replied to it apart from Jaba the Butt.
How sad,Button and Blather the Laurel and hardy of the internet
LMTU said:
Oh dear your showing your true colors, they look like Green, with envy of course,
If your going to insult some one, surly you can do better than this school playground humor, I would of have thought an Intelligent man like you, could find plenty to say to make your self feel big, as your putting me down, Oh dear! You can get help for low self esteem you know.
Robert said:
It seems none of the message boards are free from the ramblings of this village idiot .Earwig and the multi headed hydra Liarpoll seem to have taken over at the Baht-Stop,every thread is made by or dumped on by this buffoon brigade.
Baht-Stop was never the best of the bunch but it know seems to be suffocating under the piles of undecipherable garbage posted by these two fools.
LMTU said:
Oh how funny and what makes you such an intellect, you can’t get a word in, amazing how a few guys are so insanely jealous, you pretend I have to make up numbers or something more and I suppose I write all the posts as well, so can you tell me why many of my post don’t even make 500 silly ass. not even I am that desperate, may be that’s what you do, I would not even of thought of such stupidness, who cares who reads what I write, its only a bit of fun, I do have a life obviously you don’t.
Kotter said:
Robert
Interested to know who the two are!!! Is it Leoploh or me you are referring to?
imyourman said:
Well you make three kotter, alias Rasputin, as no one is interested in your diatribe, your just have to stick to Insults and innuendos, hear say and gossip as usual. Also reading every word I write of course as usual.
Just have a look at the 400 replies and 15000 hits on one of my posts alone, may be I wrote all of them as well, what rubbish some guys write when no one is interested in them, poor things.
Kotter said:
Well HONEST JON we are scraping the bottom of the barrel. I see you are the laughing stock on all of the boards you frequent. The reason you get hits to your diatribe is to watch how many people shoot you down in flames. What a larf. Honest..you could not lie straight bed. I love having a go at you .It makes my day…..telling others of your stupid antics…..even ones who you think of as your friends!!! Wonderful.
LMTU said:
Yes you love it till the truth comes out about how your the most hated Person In Pattaya, for all your diabolical Insults and negative press you write about Gay Businesses, Including my Hotel Business recently in the UK, you just cant stop can you, so much so you have been beaten up 3 times.
You would have to talk to my friends or your benefactors as you have none your self poor thing, a man of your age pouncing drinks off kind Pattaya Business people, you should be a shamed of your self, taking advantage of their generosity.
Rabbi-Schmuck said:
i wonder why the old poofters who live in Pattay a are such nasty old cuntds.
im glad mike from le cage bar has gone,cant wairt till more go or die off.
when i get my bars that white haired old poof who use to frequent mikes will be fuckin banned.he is a fuckin gentile ,dirty old cunt.s
i hope that traveller jim dies soon,silly old prick fuck him too.and the rest
now all you can go and get fucked.
Kotter said:
Here we go go again HONEST Jon.( Someone sent me an email that you ought to have a standard handle called LYING Jon.
I here your favourite song in the UK some years ago was the Rolf Haris hit Two little boys with two little toys.!!! Have a nice day dear.
Rabbi-Schmuck said:
I love your accent Kotter…i like it when u say ‘what a larf’.
i like you so much i would like to meet you and have you fuck my fat ass.
i love cockney’s,please tell me how i can contact you kotter.
kotter said:
Dear Schmuk
Thanks for the invite to enter the nether regions of your backside ,but on this occasion I will gove it it a miss. A bit whiffy dont you think.
On the other wonderful expose of readers I feel that inebration has taken hold.
Give us the low down on some notorious and prolific writers to the forums…. B/L LMTU and the nulti Hydra Heads