You did notice the ‘Part III’ in the title to this post, right? If you haven’t read the first two parts, go do so now. We’ll wait for you . . .
Back? Great, let’s move on: So you successfully navigated your first visit to a gay gogo bar in Bangkok, and managed to coax an orgasm out of your new friend back at your hotel. What else could you possibly need to know? What more is there to hiring a bar boy for sex? Well, if you are not just a total slut, then like 90% of first timers to the gay gogo bar scene in Thailand, you just fell in love.
Yes, you are in love and it is quite possible your boi has already told you he loves you (that probably occurred about the time you bought him a drink at the bar). Your romance did not come about by accident. Thai bar bois smell fresh meat as adeptly as a shark senses blood in the water. The result is often the same: a mangled carcass washed up on the shore, left to rot in the tropical sun. The English word for this outcome is ‘expat’.
But your bar boi is different. He really does love you. And not just for your money. No, really. Hold on for a sec while the rest of us finish rolling about on the floor in helpless fits of laughter. All kidding aside, it is quite possible that your boi does like you. If you don’t stink, if you treated him well, if you tipped him well, and if you didn’t demand that he participate in weird perverted sexual acts. So we’re talking like a 20% chance. That you are old, fat, and/or bald does not come into the equation. He has been with older. fatter, and balder guys than you. Your tiny dick is not a problem either; the size of your wallet matters more than the size of your dick. Besides, your boi is straight and your dick is nothing more than an inconvenience to him. What really matters to a Thai bar boy is whether or not you have a ‘good heart’. Jai dee.
The social/cultural/economical reality of relationships in Thailand require that someone better off financially takes care of the less financially well to do. That you understand this, and do your part, is the cornerstone of having a good heart. Thai to Thai relationships use the same basis. When a group of Thais go out for dinner, whoever has the most cash or best job, picks up the tab. You’ll never see a group of Thais working a calculator to see who owes what at the end of a meal. You are obviously better off than your new Thai friend. So it follows that you will indeed be his meal ticket.
If your relationship extends past the first night, your wallet will become his. And Thai bar bois love to shop. If he needs a pack of smokes as you walk past a 7/11, get your wallet out. If he likes the color of the T shirt he spied as you walked past a street vendor’s stall, get you wallet out. If his cell phone is not the newest available on the market, get your wallet out. If you wake up in the morning, get your wallet out.
Is your relationship just about money? It may seem that way as your wallet becomes depleted, but no. There is much more to it. Your new love has obligations to you, too. And has been fulfilling those throughout the day. Now you may think that means sex. Ok, you do think that means sex. But to the boi, sex is but one of his obligations (and the one he is least interested in fulfilling). His part of the equation is to ‘take care of you’.
When he bartered for the T shirt you bought him and got it at a lower price, he was taking care of you. When he got a free extra battery for the cell phone you bought him, he was taking care of you. When he limited the number of his friends you were obligated to buy drinks for at his bar, he was taking care of you. What? That’s sounds like it is all about money again? Wrong. The new shirt you bought him was so you would be proud to be seen with him. The new cell phone raised his status among his friends, as did it yours. The drinks you bought prove to his bar mates that you have a good heart. He was helping you gain face, and you didn’t even realize it.
You will also gain face by giving him money to send home to his parents. You may think a gift is more appropriate. And a gift sent home to mama will always be appreciated. Especially if it is wrapped in money. You will also gain face by paying the medical bills of his sick and dying relatives, and by buying his family a new buffalo to replace the one that just died. If you do not have the opportunity of paying for the dead and dying during your first visit to Thailand, do not worry. There will be plenty of dead buffalo and sick relatives in your future.
It’s not just the cultural differences that add to the confusion in your budding romance. Language also plays a role. For example, ‘Love’ is a Thai word. It’s English translation is ‘tolerate’. And yes, your new Thai friend loves you. As long as you have a good heart. And he will love you as long as your ATM balance doesn’t zero out.
Navigating the mine field that is your new relationship really is quite simple. Recognize that yours is but an ersatz relationship. You’re on holiday. Your boy is struggling to survive. He’s young and hot. You’re old and not. You’ll both enjoy your relationship for what the other has to offer. At some point he will break your heart. He’ll lie, cheat, demand too much, and not give you the love you desire. At some point you’ll break his heart. You’ll lie, cheat, demand too much, and not give him the financial stability he desires. Your romance will end, that’s inevitable. How and when it ends is, as Thai bar boys say, up to you. What the ultimate cost is to your bank balance and to his emotions is also up to you. In the end, he’ll move on to his next customer, you’ll move on to your next boy.
Good advice from a Goldie Hawn movie from the 70’s: Butterflies are free. A butterfly to a bar boy is a customer who flits from one boy to the next. Go ahead, fall in love. Have your romance, embrace the experience. But hold tightly to the butterfly as your totem, your aumakua, the animal that serves as your spirit guide. Embrace the nature of the butterfly. Be free. There are many more bar boys out there for you to sample, and many more opportunities for you to fall in love.
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